White House Dreams and Murder Hotel Screams

Jordan: This podcast may contain content that may be distressing to some viewers. Be sure to check the description below before listening. And now a poem about our disclaimer in the style of. 

Lauran: Rom Stoker. In shadows deep where tales are spun Of engines stalled and days undone Take heed, dear listener, and beware For truths may twist in life's despair No sage mechanic's trade we claim Nor Fate's dark whispers seek to tame.

Our musings drift like fog on sea. A fleeting jest, not prophecy. Should gears grind loud or hearts take flight, consult the wise to set things right. For in this realm we merely share life's tempest told. Jock and flare

but listening to that come across a webcam when I'm in a murder hotel, not knowing where the heck I am is not something I want to hear. Yes. I literally stood there and looked at Jordan and said, are we about to die?

Theme: Are.

Lauran: Hi guys, hello. Welcome back to We Are Fine. It's been a minute since we've recorded. It has. We took like a little break over the holidays and um, it was, I'm not gonna lie, much needed. I slept a lot. 

Jordan: Yeah, you did. 

Lauran: Like a lot. 

Jordan: You were like a zombie for most of it. I was kind of concerned. 

Lauran: Which is not like me at all because I rarely sleep.

I am, as Brom Stoker would write, a vampire. Up most of the night. You are not a vampire. Um, well, maybe not in that sense, but I definitely never sleep. That's the 

Jordan: only thing you have similar to a vampire is both of you, you're up at night. 

Lauran: Okay, give me some other characteristics of vampires. Sucking blood, that's number one.

I drink juice. 

Jordan: That's not blood. That's Juice can be red. I'm sorry, it's, we're still not, it's not the same as blood. Have 

Lauran: you, have you ever ate a gusher? Feels like you're a vampire. 

Jordan: A 

Lauran: fruit 

Jordan: gusher, is it juice? I don't remember, I don't even think it's made of juice. 

Lauran: Why am I now picturing on the box that it says like, Made with 100 percent real fruit juice.

Jordan: I'm pretty sure it says the opposite of, This is not made with juice. It's made with like fruit concentrate. 

Lauran: Made with ooze. 

Jordan: Ooze. 

Lauran: Okay, what else? What are some other vampire characteristics? 

Jordan: Um, oh shoot, see this one you do. Well, it depends on the time of year. Pale. Right now, though. 

Lauran: Listen, I got, okay, so I had to go get makeup the other week, and I took Jordan with me, and I couldn't remember the shade that I got in my concealer.

Theme: Yes. 

Lauran: And we're standing there in the aisle and I go, what do you think? Do you think fair or no? Or what was it bone 

Jordan: bone 

Lauran: or flax? And flax was like the lightest shade and then bone was kind of a little it was light But it was a little more warm and story 

Jordan: because I Who's your makeup provider? Alta? My makeup provider.

No, not your makeup. 

Lauran: AT& T? 

Jordan: I mean Which brand of foundation? Maybelline, right? It's Maybelline, right? 

Lauran: No, it's Clinique. For concealer. I'm not gonna lie, don't sleep on Clinique concealer, it's pretty good. 

Jordan: Continue with your story because I have a bone to pick with Clinique. 

Lauran: So anyway Jordan goes, oh, no, definitely bone.

That one looks more like your skin tone. I was like, okay. So we get home and those of you that are watching on YouTube, you can clearly see that I am as pale as my shirt. Like, my skin tone and my shirt are not far off. So I go to do my makeup and I think it was the day of your cousin's wedding. 

Jordan: Yeah, because you were not happy with that one.

Lauran: I go to put it on my face and I make one swatch and I was like, This is way too dark. I'm like, this is like tan on my skin. So I like I wiped it all off and I just ended up using like the little bit I had left in my previous container. But we had to go back to the store and and exchange them because bone.

The shade of bone was too, too dark for my flax colored skin. 

Jordan: Brings me to my point. Which is? Why the heck, Clinique, did you make not the lightest shade for us partners who don't do a lot of makeup? When we have to go buy makeup, bone should be the lightest shade. 

Lauran: Oh, there's the names of makeup. We could go into this for hours.

Guys, come on. The names that companies choose to name their makeup products, I get such a kick out of it. It should be white! Like, it should be white. Oh, wait until you read, like, the names of, like, NARS makeup products. 

Jordan: I just, I feel, cause I'm, I'm going from, like, a scientific view at it, I was like, Oh, if you look at a skeleton, it looks like almost pure white.

Why is it the second to the lightest shade? That's not fair! 

Lauran: It wasn't even the second to the lightest It was like four shades in because with makeup like you have to understand so there are cool tones And then there are like more like pink tones but like Yeah, but people have like even within the warm tones.

There's like yellow warms Yeah, pink and peachy warms and like different things like that. So 

Jordan: Like different complexions and stuff. 

Lauran: Right, right, right, right. So there has to be a wide variety of shades so that everybody has makeup that matches their skin tone. 

Jordan: That makes sense. 

Lauran: Right. It's just so hard for, like, I don't know if my, I think my skin tone is more peachy, but I don't, I don't know.

I could be wrong there. So if somebody out there knows go ahead and do a skin analysis on me, but I don't know So far flax works just you know Just rule of thumb if I don't have on my like fake tanner in the summer Because see because in the summer I do get kind of tan even without fake tanner 

Jordan: But I was gonna say that brings me to my point is the other one is called flax like a flax seed See, that's like a a peachier color, right?

That's a warmer like darker 

Lauran: color flax seed Is it is it flax like light color? That's what I'm saying. 

Jordan: Why is the one that's the lightest color, not the lightest shade? Bone should be, alright, we're starting at ground zero. 

Lauran: This is for all my ghosty queens out there. 

Jordan: Like that would be like, for me, it just drives me bonkers because that would be like having a color palette and snow being the second to the lightest option.

Like I am like what is going on? 

Lauran: We're making snow like a cream color. Yes, instead of like And then they would make one called, like, White Out and make that one gray or something crazy like that. But, that's not even the story we were wanting to tell you guys today. You 

Jordan: brought it up. 

Lauran: How did we get here?

That is a good segue because that is how we felt. On our trip to D. C. this past, um, December. 

Jordan: You mean, we're moving into our segment of highs and lows, and one trip miraculously ended up being both the high and low? That was insane to deal with. 

Lauran: Yes. Um, wow, that was a whirlwind. So If, for those of you that don't know, um, I was invited to the White House over, like, the holiday season.

Um, the, and, I'm not, like, special by any means. There were, like, a multitude of White House parties with hundreds of people that were invited to them. We got invited to this, it was a holiday reception in the middle of the day, um, and I obviously was gonna go because If you've ever seen like the White House Christmas specials on TV or anything like that, like I grew up watching those with my mom and I was always astounded by the decorations they set up during the holiday season and then the giant gingerbread house that they make in the style of the White House.

It's just gorgeous. So, 

Jordan: they, an entire carousel in the one room. That was insane. 

Lauran: It was, it was. So, anyway, we get invited to this party. And, I'm lucky that Jordan's boss is so cool. Because, Jordan originally was gonna be like, I can't go, I have to work. And I was like, um, this is like a once in a lifetime.

Like, who do you know that gets invited to a Christmas party at the White House? Because I don't know many people. I 

Jordan: do. I know someone who gets, 

Lauran: well, not me, but like. It's a big deal. Like we grew up, like we live in the town we grew up in and it's, you know, small town, Ohio, like, you know, we just, it just, things like that don't happen around our area.

So it was kind of a big deal to us. Um, so his boss. Uh, was super cool and was, she literally said to me, no, he's going, I will lock the doors. Like, I'm not letting him in the building, he's going to Washington with you. So, 

Jordan: Because I have a nasty tendency of not taking time off. 

Lauran: Yeah, uh huh, I'm trying to break you of that habit, okay?

Um, and those of you out there that do the same thing, like, it's great to have a good work ethic and to be a dedicated employee, but also keep in mind that it's just a job. And it would, like, if, if something happened to you tomorrow, they would not hesitate to replace you. So, take the time you need if you have to take time off.

Do it. If you have like PTO, like you have, you know, paid leave that you can take to go on vacation or just relax, do it because your mental health and your happiness are also important. So just a little PSA there. Um, 

Jordan: What a nice, nice 

cheering 

Lauran: on. I am all for people taking care of themselves. Um, so yeah, we, we set off, uh, we decided this year we were like, oh, We're gonna drive, because we live in Ohio, D.

1. is like a four and a half, five hour drive. It's really not that bad. It's the equivalent of us driving to Cincinnati. So, we were like, we'll save money, we won't buy a flight. I was gonna say, the decision 

Jordan: was, yeah, it was We were looking at the price. So I think for us to do a round trip for both of us was insane.

It was like 800. I think it was more than that. It was more than 800. And then it was like, it was getting in at weird times too. Like it was like. 

Lauran: Like cutting it close. Like we were nervous. It was getting it in. And then it was like. It's like a flight got delayed or whatever. Cause you know, planes are crazy right now.

Jordan: Yeah. Cause, and then it was like, okay, like. When we were coming home to it was like, all right, we're not landing in Pittsburgh until like one, two in the morning. Like it was really weird flight. Yeah, so it was like we ended up deciding it's like we're going to draft. 

Lauran: Yeah, because then we had the flexibility to like, you know, leave whenever we wanted to stay as long as we wanted to.

We were golden. So. We, the party was on a Tuesday, so we decided to leave Monday night after work, and then that way we would get down to D. C. by like 11 o'clock at the latest, and then we'd be able to like relax for the night, get up, get ready, go to breakfast or whatever, and then go to this event. So, we, we set off on our journey, and all is well.

We're in the car, we're jamming to music. We got sheets. Did I think 

Jordan: that number one, that's a lie. We weren't jamming to music. Oh. We were listening to podcasts. We were 

Lauran: jamming to podcasts. . 

Jordan: No one jams the podcasts 

Lauran: except us. No, uh, . I, we were listening to podcasts. I Shuffles 

Jordan: Heartedly podcast. 

Lauran: Oh my gosh. My podcast.

Yes, you do. And I are you? No, no, no. I'm making fun of, 'cause the, the one podcast he listens to. I Are you, are you talking about Dun duns and daddies? I like to tease. Yes. Yeah. On Dungeons and Daddies, there's one character who whenever he laughs, he literally leans away from his microphone and like, scream, yell, laughs.

Theme: Yeah. 

Lauran: And I, I just have to tease him every single time he does it. I have to, I have to make fun of him. But anyway, so we're driving down the road and we're about two hours in. We're in the middle of the mountains in Pennsylvania. We 

Jordan: are, we're probably close to like 30 minutes outside of Pittsburgh. And, uh, All of a sudden, 

Lauran: the tire alarm goes off, like 

Jordan: anytime you're driving, anytime you hear a ding when you're going 70, 75 miles an hour, like a 

Lauran: red icon pop up on your screen, it just induces panic.

Jordan: Yeah, you're like, that's not good. 

Lauran: And then add on to that, that we just passed the nearest exit and there wasn't another exit for like 20 miles. And we're in the dead middle of the mountains, and like, there's nothing around. So, the, the alert goes off, and I was like, it's probably nothing. It's probably just the sensor, like, acting up, because it's, it's happened before.

Yeah. And We were like, okay, let's just give it a minute and we'll see what happens. Maybe it's like the air pressure or something. I don't know. We were trying to make something up like this is 

Jordan: what it is. I remember we were trying to convince ourselves that nothing was wrong because PA has this really cool feature of being in mountains.

So we were in our mind going, oh. It must be the change in elevation, which is the dumbest thing. 

Lauran: Doesn't make sense because there's not that much of an elevation change. Not 

Jordan: from where we're at. And it shouldn't affect the tire pressure that badly. No, it's not like we were starting at sea level. And then in a change of like 30 seconds, it was, I just remember that drive.

We were both like, Oh, it's the change in elevation. We'll be fine. 

Lauran: No, we both weren't like that. You immediately panicked and I, I am the cool, calm cucumber person who whenever Jordan is panicking or freaking out about. Something like a minor inconvenience or anything like that throws our plan askew, I am like, it's okay.

It's probably just this. Let's stay calm. Let's see if we can fix it this way. 

Jordan: I can't. I have everything scheduled out to when we leave, when we take breaks, to a T when we travel. I am a well oiled machine. You are. And nothing gets me more upset when dumb things enter the chat. 

Lauran: Oh my gosh. Well, enter Oh my 

Jordan: god.

Lauran: Enter the chat this dumb thing so we so we called jordan's parents because the sensor wouldn't stop going down not just the pressure started that's what i was gonna 

Jordan: say we were driving. I don't know about you when it drops cuz my car's tires have to be set to 36 psi 

Lauran: which is high 

Jordan: very high 

Lauran: yeah 

Jordan: it went over like maybe 1015 seconds it drops from 36 to 26.

It was like 24. Sorry, 24. Yeah. Worse than I thought. We started 

Lauran: panicking. Yeah. So then, that's not good. So I call, so I call Jordan's dad. I explain the situation and I immediately start trying to reroute us to like the nearest Sheetz because we know Sheetz has a tire, like you can refill your tires for free.

So the, at first the nearest Sheetz was like 25 minutes away or whatever. Yeah. And we were like, I think we can make it and then somehow it redirected us and it was there was one closer. That was like maybe a 10 minute drive. Yeah, so we're driving down the highway We get off of the highway at the sheets 

Jordan: and we entered the town and i'm gonna be honest I don't want to write off an entire town, but I just can't ever set foot there again Somerset pa you did me dirty 

Lauran: Oh my gosh.

Okay. So it's, um, it's, it's raining by the way. Yeah, it is. Of course, when it rains, it pours. Yeah, it's raining. We're standing out in the rain. I'm on the phone with his dad. Jordan's trying to fill the tire up. We, we get it filled up. And I was like, okay. 

Jordan: It is, it's pitch dark at this point too. And the Sheetz and Somerset PA has their air compressor.

Instead of near all the lights, on the opposite end of the parking lot, in the pitchest of, like, the pitchest of darks. 

Lauran: So, so, you know, in my head I'm thinking, okay, I need to see if there's like a tire shop nearby, or like a mechanic or someone that can help us change out this tire, and we'll just get a new tire and be on our way.

Like, no problem, we can get it fixed. Well, every mechanic and tire shop in the entire, like, 50 mile radius of Somerset closes at, like, 7. 30 or 8 o'clock at night, and it was 8. 45. So, luckily, like, right down the street, I saw that there was an advanced auto parts, so I call. And this lovely gentleman was like, Yeah, pull into the parking lot.

I'll help you guys get the thing out of your tire and we can patch it for you. I was like, Oh my God, thank you, sir. You are the best. We'll be right there. So we take the car. It's literally, I, we like pulled out of the parking lot right into the advanced auto parts. And, We buy the tire patch kit was like 13 bucks.

I was like 13 well spent He goes out and starts getting like the pliers to pull he found that he found where the the air was leaking out Apparently we had hit something 

Jordan: Well, that was like the one thing was so we knew we were screwed right when we get there because he has us like okay like We're going to back your car up and everything so we can figure out where you're, where we're leaking air.

So we kind of like move the car back and forth until we can figure out where the leak's coming from. One of the big signs of, Oh no, the tire is deflating is when it sounds like a snake. 

Lauran: Yeah. Yeah. It was really loud. 

Jordan: Yeah. And it was like, it was, it was, I don't think I've ever heard a tire. Like we knew we were screwed at that moment.

And then I felt so bad. I don't. Understand why car manufacturers do this. So we, what we are, are my main car is a Jeep grand Cherokee. Jeep knows that people are probably going to have flat tires. Why then? Does the tire car jack that you give for the emergencies not lift the car up high enough? 

Lauran: Yeah because 

Jordan: at first they use the the car jack that comes with 

Lauran: the car 

Jordan: and they crank this poor thing all The way to maximum and it's barely lifting the car up 

Lauran: Yeah, 

Jordan: like it gets the car up and it hits this point where like It's lifting it up, but it can't, like, you can't rotate the tire or anything.

He's like, I, like, this is not safe. Like, someone is going to get hurt if we try to change the tire like this. So, 

Lauran: please, 

Jordan: auto manufacturers. 

Lauran: Better jacks. That could withstand the weight of the car. Anywho, so he, so he uses one that they had at the store. He, he gets the car up onto the jack and we find the leak.

He's going to get the pliers to take the, we thought it was like a nail, you know, because people hit nails on the road. And. He starts starts pulling and pulling and it's not coming out and it's it's really jammed in there good So he he gets like a bigger set of pliers and starts yanking this thing out of the tire And he pulls it out and the tire immediately goes Flat the whole thing this thing and I was gonna say we pulled out of the tire 

Jordan: for the youtube video We will make sure a photo of this bolt You is posted.

I 

Lauran: didn't know something like this even existed or could make its way into our tire it was like apart from something that it's like an almost like a mini axle that like connects two things together. It's not pointy. It's not sharp at all, but it was like four inches long and at least like 10 millimeters in diameter.

It was huge. I was like, what the heck is that thing? Like you didn't even know what it was. 

Jordan: That's really concerning when the guy at the auto body shop pulls something out of your car and doesn't know what it is. 

Lauran: Right. So. The car tire goes flat, so obviously we can't patch it because it's flat. We won't even make it to sheets if we wanted it to.

So, the lovely gentleman put the spare, we have a spare tire, obviously, your car comes with one, hopefully. 

Jordan: Well, it's a donut, not, like 

Lauran: Right, it's, it's, yeah. So, you put it on the car to be able to drive it to a shop to fix The tires, you're not supposed to drive long distances on it. 

Jordan: I like the one we have specifically is a 50 to 75 mile 

Lauran: range range, which 

Jordan: in most, a lot of areas where a lot of people live is a pretty decent size gap.

Somerset, Pennsylvania, where everything is closed. Nope. 

Lauran: So I call, um, they gave me like three different places to call. One used to be, um, like open late, but now they close early. 

Theme: They 

Lauran: decided they don't want to be late, uh, late tire shop anymore. So they close early. The other place was like a trucking company that like, like semi trucks can get serviced there.

And we were like, Hey, could you find us this tire? Can you get it on the car for us? Could you, like, re patch our tire and fix it somehow? And they were like, Sorry, we can't take that liability, but I'mma help you find a place to do it. And we're like, Okay. So, like, at this point, cool, calm Cucumber Lauren is gone.

Like, I'm, I'm crying on the side of the road. In advanced auto parts in Somerset. No, 

Jordan: because we were not still at advanced Somerset. No, at 

Lauran: that point we were. 

Jordan: No, we had moved across the street to the gas station. Because we were on the phone. I don't 

Lauran: know, because I'm pretty sure I begged that woman to help me on the phone.

I was like, crying. I'm like, I have to be in the White House tomorrow. And like, She was like, Oh, 

Jordan: so no, because we moved across. And the reason I remember this is because I didn't know these things existed in Pennsylvania. I work in PA and I didn't know these things were a thing because we go across the street.

We're sitting there, we're trying to figure out what to do. It's been a while. I had drank in Red Bull and I'm like, all right, I have to go to the bathroom. So I'm like, all right, I'm going to use the speedway. We're going to go real quick and then we'll come back. And as I walk in, I'm sorry, it was the most depressing gas station I have ever walked into in my life.

It was like, imagine like, it felt like a mini Walmart warehouse. Like you know how there's that like really high ceilings, that warehouse feel with that incandescent lighting that's just blinding and hurts your eyes? Yeah. Here's that, the clerk up at the front of the store was asleep on a chair, to the right, and as I'm walking to the restroom, because I don't know where the bathroom is, and normally if I can't figure it out at first I ask the clerk, and then luckily it was right next to the clerk's like store, so I didn't have to wake her from her slumber, but on the left hand side of this gas station, and I have Ask my co workers who live in PA, this is a thing that is in Pennsylvania, is four little slot, like those electric slot machine casinos with all like the bells and whistles like you see in Las Vegas.

In a gas station? In a gas station! There are four of them. Alright. And there are, there are two older gentlemen sitting there. Like zombies just pounding on the screens, and I'm like, where am I right now? Well, all the 

Lauran: places were closed in Somerset. So I mean they had to do something on a Monday night. Man, I don't know.

Slots in 

Jordan: a Speedway? 

Lauran: Speedway slots. 

Jordan: Yeah. Like I cannot fully remember if it was a Speedway, but whichever gas station. Slots in a gas station. I'm for it. I don't know. That's that's a certain level I don't know if I'd ever want. For me and my personal journey, I'm not playing slots in a gas station ever.

Lauran: Okay. Anyway, you're dying grass again. So we, so we're sitting in the parking lot, right? And I'm calling everywhere and anywhere to possibly get a tire for us to keep going on our journey. It's hitting like nine o'clock, nine 30 at this point. And the, the one. person. They told us to call. They were like, Hey, if all else fails, call like the interstate emergency line.

They have all kinds of tires. They have a contract with the highway, so they come out and they'll fix whatever. I was like, great, cool. I'm on the phone with them already. So I get on the phone with this guy and before he even asks me any information about the car, all I said was I needed a tire replaced.

And immediately he was like, well, if it's the 165R17, whatever, tire, we don't have it. And it was the exact tire we needed. I was like, what? And I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, yeah, that's not a common tire. We don't carry it. And then he, he was like, I'm sorry. Good luck. And I was like Well, I'm like, I don't think we're going to find this tire anywhere.

So at that point, that's when I started bawling and I'm like, okay, we are royally screwed. We're stuck here in Somerset. 

Jordan: So we made the decision then, I was like, well, everything's closed. We're going to have to get a hotel. 

Lauran: Well, before we made that decision though, your dad, who is an angel, was like, okay, I'll be on my way to come and swap out cars with you guys.

This man drove two hours. I started at 9 45, almost 10 o'clock at night, drove two hours to Somerset, PA to switch cars with us so that in the morning Jordan and I could drive down to DC in his car and he could take our car to get the tire fixed. What a man, like, 

Jordan: I know he watches this so, heart, heart, love you dad.

Lauran: So, so anyway, we, um, we decided, you know, it's not gonna make, it wouldn't be smart for us to wait till your dad gets here and then continue driving, that would be stupid. We're gonna be tired, it'll be dangerous. So we need to spend the night here, and then we'll start driving again in the morning. So I immediately start just looking up hotels in the area.

I wasn't thinking, and I was just like, I'm gonna pick the No, man, you 

Jordan: were bamboozled. 

Lauran: Okay, I was, but also, like, if you don't know the hotel name, don't, don't stay there. Just by a rule of thumb, if you're like between a couple of places that you are like, Oh, I could stay here, or I could stay at Holiday Inn.

I'd rather stay at the Holiday Inn because I at least know what I'm going to get, you know? So, there, there were many different hotel options and the one that popped up on Google, that was, it was called the Windgate.

It was the Windgate, um, and the picture on Google looked very nice. 

Jordan: No, because They cheated. 

Lauran: They did! Because 

Jordan: what we ended up saying I was bamboozled! To fast forward just a little bit, we ended up staying at a Hilton, and what these people did was they took a picture of their sign from just the right to pretend that the building in the background, which was the Hilton was their hotel.

I don't think it was that though. Yeah. That's the one image on the website. It's there's their side. I 

Lauran: thought it was a different wind gate at a different location. Cause the, the wind gate that. Was online and the windgate we pulled up to were two completely different buildings So I don't know what they did, but it was not an accurate representation of their hotel.

So anyway We, we pull into the parking lot of the wind gate and Jordan goes, Lauren, what the heck did you book? And I was like, I don't know. 

Jordan: It was, it was. Every like anytime someone says like, Oh, you're like, what are key areas to know? Like you're in an unsafe area. Is it poorly lit? Is it just like, you know, is it dark?

Does it feel ominous and things like it was everything with this building? There was like no street lights. No, like under lighting in the parking area and everything. It was just scary looking very, 

Lauran: there was not a soul around. Yeah, 

Jordan: it was. We realized we were not at the right hotel. 

Lauran: Yeah. So anyway, so we walk in the door.

I was like, should we get our stuff? And Jordan's like. Let's just go inside first. So, we go into the lobby. If you could call it a lobby, there's nobody there. Oh, I will call it a lobby. No, I'll call it a front desk with some tables in front of it. 

Jordan: It was just a very unwelcoming lobby. 

Lauran: Anyway, okay. So we're, we're standing at the front desk.

There's not a single soul around. 

Jordan: Except for Two, like 

Lauran: Webcams? 

Jordan: Yes, two webcams. 

Lauran: Staring you in the face? And then, there's a sign. And then a little desk bell. 

Jordan: A 

Lauran: sign that said, Ring the bell, the cameras will see you. 

Jordan: Yeah. 

Lauran: Which is not scary and creepy at all. 

Jordan: So, Lauren goes, You hit the bell. And as soon as you hit the bell, it like chimes to like, oh, okay, that you're like here.

And then, guys, I kid you not, somebody's like either murder documentary, murder mystery podcast, like explaining the most gruesome murder. I have ever heard, and I've watched quite a few murder mysteries and murder documentaries that I'm like, I'm kind of used to like, yeah, I'm kind of used, even for me, I was like, what the heck am I listening 

Lauran: to right now?

I love true crime. Yeah. I'm a huge fan of listening to true crime podcasts and reading audio books, but listening to that come across a webcam. When I'm in a murder hotel, not knowing where the heck I am is not something I want to hear. Yes. I literally stood there and looked at Jordan and said, Are we about to die?

Jordan: And I was gonna say too, like, with this lobby too, I don't, I don't know if you remember, there was like one light on in this lobby. Yeah, 

Lauran: it was, it was, it looked vacant. Yes. It was scary. So then this woman comes downstairs. She was very nice. She was very nice. She was very nice. She comes downstairs. She's like, oh yeah, you're gonna be in room, whatever.

So we're like, Okay. You're forgetting. I felt 

Jordan: so bad for her because I don't know if there was like two people there or something in this like apparently other office or something because like halfway through the check in process, the podcast changes to like, it was a Joe Rogan episode, but it must have been like the filthiest Joe Rogan episode because I, I'm not kidding, f bombs, f bomb after f bomb.

Um, and this poor woman was just like, I am so. Sorry, we 

Lauran: were laughing. We were laughing. We made sure to tell us like, Oh, it's 

Jordan: fine. You're okay. We're not mad or anything like it, but it was just like, I felt so bad for her. It's like, Oh, this poor woman. She's probably like, Oh God, please don't tell like that this happened, please.

Lauran: So we go upstairs to our room and after we get off the elevator. First of all, the hotel itself is freezing. There's obviously no heat on in the, in the And then the hallways themselves. Looked like they were straight out of The Shining or American Horror Story. I was about to say, 

Jordan: I felt more American Horror Story because The Shining, The Shining had some pretty bright lighting.

If you remember that movie. Dimly 

Lauran: lit Shining. 

Jordan: Dimly lit Shining or American Horror Story Hotel. 

Lauran: So we're walking down the hall. There's a bucket collecting water in the middle of the hall at one point. Okay, we get to a few different doors that are open. I was gonna say. Some guy poked his head out and looked at us.

And then like, it just looked like a seedy place. So then. We get to our door, open the door, go in the room, and I try to lock the door. And the door doesn't even lock. It won't close all the way. And I was like, that's not good. 

Jordan: And, and, when, when that one happened, so, like, the hotel not matching the photo, the, like, the really bad parking lot, the front desk, just that whole situation, those were red flags.

The hotel door not locking what's more than a flare, the red billboard, like, 

Lauran: it was just like, don't stay here. So, so we're in the room and we're, we're kind of looking around and Jordan's like over it at this point. He was just like, I just want to go to bed. I'm tired. I don't care. And I was like, Jordan, I am not staying here.

And he's like, it's fine, Lauren. And he picks up a pillow off the bed and it's like, Stained with yellow stains all over it, and there was hair still on it. I said, Jordan, I am not putting my head on this bed. 

Jordan: To which, my next response was, It can't get much worse. And I pulled back the top comforter. To this day, I don't know what it was, but it looked like somebody all over the entire sheet took like a black pen and just dotted it everywhere.

Lauran: Yeah, I don't know if it was I don't know if it 

Jordan: was 

Lauran: bugs or what. Or I didn't want to find out, so. And as soon as I 

Jordan: saw that, I was like, 

Lauran: Overleaving. He was like, I don't want to be out another 70. Because it was 70 to book that room, you know, cheap. And I was like, I will eat the 70 if it means I'm not going to die in this hotel.

I'm like, I don't care at this point. I can't say, 

Jordan: for the locked door, my plan was to sleep against the door. Oh my 

Lauran: god. That is not a good plan. So, anyway, we, we're, I'm like, I'm out of here, and we start walking back down to our car. Now, Jordan, and, and I'm the same. I am not confrontational whatsoever. I would rather just, you know, bite the dust and go on my merry way, and I just, you know, lost 70.

But this time, I was like, No, this is not okay. So I was like, Jordan, go to the car. And he, he doesn't want to deal with that. So he went straight to the car and I had to push the creepy camera button again and wait for the lady to come back down. And I was very nice to her. I was just like, hi, I was like, I'm really sorry.

We're going to go somewhere else. There was just stuff on our bed. Can I get my money back? And she was like, Oh my God. Yeah, I'm so sorry. And we're like, it's okay. I was like, thank you. I appreciate it. And, and she did. She, she gave us a refund and then I booked us at the Hilton and then we went and that was fine, but I will never.

Ever and this is my dumb fault book a hotel without looking at multiple reviews ever again in my life 

Jordan: because that was the insane part was we went on just because after was like We had to miss something and of course we did So we looked at the reviews because we were so we were in so much distress we were 

Lauran: like We just need a bed to sleep in 

Jordan: and it was we were looking at the reviews and it was just One star after one star after one star.

It was not good. People with similar like stories, it was like, it was the dirtiest hotel, like, don't stay here. And it was just like, oh my God. 

Lauran: Like no shade. I'm not trying to like shade the wind gate. But also, I'm just like, even if I'm paying 70, 

Theme: I feel 

Lauran: like that's still a decent amount to pay for a hotel room.

Like, if I'm paying 30 to stay at like a Motel 6 or something, you get what you pay for, but like, For 70, I would like at least clean sheets. 

Jordan: I have stayed at Motel 6s before in the past. Not that bad. 

Lauran: Okay, well, man, I'm just being too nice then. I don't know say 

Jordan: no I cuz when I was in my band days and everything like there was there was a couple times when I We did the motel six thing and it was you know, I mean, it's not like a super luxurious resort, but it's not terrible Yeah, this was something like 

Lauran: for 

Jordan: this was insane 

Lauran: Anyway, so then Jordan's dad got down to Somerset, uh, we ended up swapping out cars in the morning.

He got our tire fixed, which we ended up, you know, we were like, oh, we'll save money by not booking the flight. Yeah, 1, 100 later took, cause they don't replace one tire, they have to replace all four cause it's not safe. So, uh, we ended up, you know, still paying. About the same price as the flights would have been.

Yeah, 

Jordan: so we flew down without flying down. Is the way I like to say it. 

Lauran: But now we get to the highs of the month. Okay, so that was the low. Which actually, you know what? We were like, only us. This would only happen to us. And it's one of those moments, again, where you sit back and you're like, this sucks right now, but it's a really funny story after the fact.

And that's what our whole podcast is all about. So I was like, well, this will make a good episode. Um, so anyway, we DC and, uh, I'm just going to skip straight to the party because after that headache of a night, that party was so worth it. Like, it was just, I felt like, I'm not gonna lie, I felt so out of place in this room.

So like, the White House, what they do is over like different holidays and things like that, they'll invite different groups of people for like different career paths or different, you know, events. So like, The holidays, they have probably like over 15 parties. Yeah, I 

Jordan: was gonna say it was like over the course of it was like a couple of weeks because I know For no, there were like 

Lauran: three a day 

Jordan: three a day.

Sorry. Sorry. 

Lauran: Yeah, and our day alone. There was a morning party 

Jordan: Which I think was Athletes 'cause there was like a bunch of like student athletes that could been, were leaving when we were coming in. 

Lauran: Then the party we went to, which was in the afternoon and it was all people on like social media and news outlets and things like that.

And like entertainment? Yeah. It was arts and media. Okay. Arts and media. And it was, um, the purpose was to kind of just recognize people who use their platforms to, um. Either provide information to their, their audiences or use their platforms for good and just, you know, are a light in the world, things like that.

So, I'm talking, we're in a room with like, Kelly Girardi, astronaut and like, fertility activist, and then we're also in the room with, um, like, different, uh, under the desk news, and just, Key and Peele. I was about to say Well, not Key and Peele, but I 

Jordan: was about to say you were skipping the whole floor when I lost my mind when we were in line to get through security for this party and not, I want to say not even five people in front of us.

I just, I see this tall bald man and I'm like, that guy looks real familiar and then he turns around and I'm like. And like, I nudge you, I was like, it's Keegan Michael Key. And he's like five people away from me. Cause like, I grew up watching him from when he was like on Animal Planet, with Animal's Funniest Videos, all the way through to like, Key and Peele.

Like, I have watched that guy's career for a long time. And I was sitting there, I was like, 

Lauran: he's right there. But that was the kind of people we were there with. And I, I am Sure, I only got invited because over the summer, I, I and two other or three other, um, teacher creators had been invited to meet with Dr.

Jill Biden and talk about the state of education and just how to encourage more educators to enter the field of education, um, and how to advocate for our career in general. So I, I'm assuming that is why I was invited. Because I clearly felt out of place in this room. I was like, I'm like fangirling over here because there's 7 million other people in here that I know and follow and really, like, admire.

And I'm just a teacher from Ohio. Why am I here? And it's, it was that kind of feeling. But the, just the Just being invited was an honor in and of itself. Um, getting to go and, uh, just kind of, you know, the cool thing was that it was All across the state rooms in the white house. So every room was decorated in different types of decorations.

So they had, um, giant Christmas trees. They had a military orchestra playing out in the main lobby, like foyer area. Um, there were tables of just like food and hors d'oeuvres and things like that. And it just felt like. One of the fanciest parties I had ever been to in my life. I was gonna say, it felt 

Jordan: like a winter wonderland.

It really did. It was, it was kind of weird because you're sitting in this like, you're in this space. Of just who they deemed at the time as very important people in the arts and media sector and we're just kind of in that same space and it's, it's, it 

Lauran: was on, it felt unreal 

Jordan: if it did, it was hard to put in the words, especially like for me, it felt really unreal because like I was there just because you asked me to tag along like I wasn't invited, you were invited, so like for me, like it was one of those things where it was just like, oh man, like it was all, yeah, On like awestruck is I guess the best word I can use because oh, I think you're you didn't mention too.

Um, when we were in line Um, you got to have like a really nice conversation with one of the like heads of like a program at Harvard was there. So these are like people who are big in like education space and big in like the media space and everything and it was just, um, it was crazy. 

Lauran: Yeah, so it was a very, it was a very cool experience.

Um, the, the decorations all like not a single inch of that place. Was left untouched. There was just something everywhere if you want to check out what it looked like Um, I have posted photos on my instagram. I also made um a tiktok about it rip Um, I mean it's on my instagram reels if you want to check it out So you can watch it there or here on youtube shorts.

You could watch it also um, so you can kind of see what we're talking about, but Just a once in a lifetime experience. So grateful to have gone. Um, just a really, really cool, cool party. Um, and then we spent the rest of the weekend just kind of exploring, or week, I guess, exploring D. C. And just kind of, um, seeing the monuments, going to different museums and things like that.

So, overall, very fun trip. Um, uh, President Biden and Dr. Dill Biden also made an appearance. So they came out and, um, president Biden made a speech, uh, kind of thanking us for what we do and things like that. Um, so that kind of felt special. Um, and yeah, it was, it was just a once in a lifetime opportunity that I'm so grateful for, and I'm just grateful that educators are also being recognized, not just myself, but there were other educators that were there as well.

And I think that's awesome that educators are being recognized in a space where we're making an influence on our career and people in general and, um, yeah, so please. Other people, please continue to advocate for education, and please continue to recognize amazing teachers in your life, whether that's, you know, on a grand scale like that, or if it's even just writing them a card, if you had a teacher that made an influence on your life or made an impact on your life, um, because that, it truly does mean a lot to be recognized like that, um, But yeah, that was, it was a pretty awesome and awful experience.

Jordan: It encompassed the full wheel of emotions. It did, it 

Lauran: did. In that day, 

Jordan: like there was not. It did. There was not one emotion I think left out in that whole trip. So we hit them all. 

Lauran: Before we get going into our Egbert challenge for this week's episode, uh, we would be mistaken if we didn't take a minute to talk about the wildfires that are just destroying L.

1. and the Palisades and California 

Theme: in 

Lauran: general. Um, we would just like to send our, our thoughts and our, our prayers. I hate using those words, but You know, that's what we are thinking about. We're thinking about you guys, and we are just so devastated that people are going through such a hard time. Um, I mean, our, our production team lives in California, and I have many friends that live in California, and so I, my heart goes out to you guys.

Um, We hope that you guys are able to pick up the pieces and restart your lives in as painless a way as possible, because I can't even fathom what you're going through at this time. And, um, It's it's devastating. It truly is. And I know that millions of people have been affected by this. Um, Jordan and I have donated to, I believe it was the Calif, California Fire Foundation.

Um, I could be mistaken on the exact name, but we, we made a donation to them. Um, and we would love it if our listeners, if you have You know, the ability to either share those foundations so that they can gather more donations and help people or donate yourself. We will have them linked in the description below on this episode.

So if you feel so inclined, um, I'm sure any little bit would help. Um, if you live in those areas where we're thinking about you, we'll be sending all the good vibes your way. Um, and if you have not been affected by that. Um, tragedy, but you also live nearby. I know there are plenty of donation centers that are looking for all kinds of clothing, infant products, children's toys, literally anything you can possibly donate.

Um, I'm sure none of it will go to waste. So, um, yeah, we just wanted to take a minute to say that we were thinking about you guys and we're so very sorry that this has happened to you. No one deserves to have all of their, their entire life go up in flames and, um, it's, it's truly a tragedy. So, we're here for you, um, if there's any other way that we're able to assist, or if there's any other, um, funds that you guys can think of that we haven't listed below, please feel free to list them in the comments so that others can donate as well.

So on that note, we will be right back.

Okay, and we are back. 

Jordan: And we have Exciting news from our one episode with Nancy. 

Lauran: Well, I'm excited about it. 

Jordan: No, 

Lauran: we're 

Jordan: not. We're 

not there. We're not done. We will have the total at the end of the episode. 

Lauran: I know, but 

Jordan: we do have, 

Lauran: I'm excited either way, results 

Jordan: upcoming for whether I have to dress up as a pineapple and eat pineapple pizza, or if Lauren has to dress up like a fish and eat.

Anchovy pizza 

Lauran: because we asked you guys to vote on whether or not anchovies belong on pizza and they absolutely do You think 

Jordan: ma'am? We're not no, we will let the voters decide. We will let the voters decide. I'm not gonna nope I'm not I'm not stooping down to your sticky citrusy level So we'll see about that.

We will have the results Given to us 

Lauran: after the 

Jordan: Egbert challenge. So stay tuned. 

Lauran: Alright, are you ready? 

Jordan: I miss Egbert. I have 

Lauran: missed Egbert so much. Okay, guys, if you're new here, you are in for a treat. Because Egbert is our little egg child that we play a game with on ChatGPT. It's kind of a choose your own adventure game.

We love it. Uh, so far, I think you guys have been enjoying it. I've seen a few comments where people are like, More Egbert! Yes. I agree. We need more Egbert in our lives. I was gonna say, 

Jordan: we have created a mythical, mystical Mushroom King. 

Lauran: Yes, we have. 

Jordan: Who I think is the origin story of Toad. 

Lauran: What was the second one?

Jordan: Was that the waffle one? 

Lauran: Yeah, he was like an inventor. Yeah, 

Jordan: he was the, the wacky sticky waffle egg. 

Lauran: Yes. 

Jordan: So. Yes. Mythical, mythical, mythical, mystical toad, wacky sticky waffle. 

Lauran: So what are we going to end up with this time? 

Jordan: I don't know, but I am very excited to find out. 

Lauran: Alright, well, let's get into it. 

Jordan: Let's crack in.

Lauran: Let's crack into it. 

Jordan: Let's crack into it. 

Lauran: Alright, okay, this is titled, The Egg Who Whispered to the Universe. 

Jordan: Oh no. 

Lauran: Chapter 1, The Arrival. 

Jordan: Oh no, that, there's a movie that's called The Arrival. There is. It did not end well. Well, it did it 

Lauran: did. It did end well. It didn't end poorly. That's the one with Amy Adams, right?

Yeah. Oh, 

Jordan: I'm thinking Annihilation. Yeah, 

Lauran: no, that did not end well. 

Jordan: That did not 

Lauran: well, it 

Jordan: ended kinda well for some of them. 

Lauran: Eh, okay, anyway. On a foggy Tuesday morning, while sipping on your usual cups of lukewarm tea Who drinks 

Jordan: lukewarm tea? 

Lauran: Or coffee. Who drinks lukewarm coffee? Every teacher in the United States.

I am sorry, 

Jordan: Freak 

Lauran: Guy. You should be. 

Jordan: I just Why not just, if it's lukewarm, I guess, put ice in it. 

Lauran: Because then it gets melty. It's cold. No, then it just gets watered down. 

Jordan: I guess I just have the privilege. 

Lauran: Of sipping hot coffee because you can, you don't get distracted and set it down. 

Theme: Yeah, I guess. 

Lauran: No other teacher can relate.

God, lukewarm is just gross. Okay, moving on. But let's be honest, it was probably tea. A knock at the door startled you. Opening it, you found a small, gilded crate with a note that read, Congratulations! Oh yay! You've been selected to adopt Egbert. Handle with care. Great potential lies within. 

Jordan: I've been selected?

Did I apply for this? Nope. Nope. Okay. 

Lauran: And there it was. It's a perfectly oval sky blue egg with faint glowing swirls that seem to shift like galaxies when you title, sorry, tilted your head, you didn't title your head. I titled his head, I will. 

Jordan: His name? No. I don't know. I don't know what it is yet. It's an egg.

Egbert. It's 

Egbert. Isn't it? But we don't know like the gender of the egg. 

You can't determine that by just looking at a shell. 

Lauran: Oh, well, okay, well, until then it's Egbert. Egbert had no cracks, but seemed unusually warm to the touch. As you stood there puzzled, the egg gave a tiny chirp. Though you're pretty sure eggs don't usually chirp.

Jordan: No, they don't. Your 

Lauran: life as Egbert's parents had officially begun. 

Jordan: Okay. 

Lauran: Okay, what will you use to keep Egbert warm? What will I use? A vintage heated blanket you found at a flea market last year, rumored to have belonged to a wizard. Or A custom built, solar powered incubator designed by an eccentric neighbor who claims to have once hatched a dragon.

Jordan: Okay, I just feel, I cannot in good conscious, Conscience. Conscience. I cannot in good conscious. 

Lauran: Conscience. Stop! What? Conscious is a different word. 

Jordan: I cannot, in good faith. 

Lauran: Thank you. 

Jordan: Choose the vintage. 

Lauran: Heated blanket. Heated 

Jordan: blanket. That scares me. 

Lauran: That's a fire hazard. That's a fire hazard. I don't like that.

No. So we're going to go with the solar panel. 

Jordan: Yeah, I'm going with the custom, plus there's like a dragon element to it. Like what if we raise a dragon? How do we raise a dragon? How do we train dragons? 

Lauran: Chapter 2, The Solar Hatchling. 

Theme: Ooh. 

Lauran: Years passed since you placed Egbert in the solar powered incubator, a contraption that hummed with a combination of science Mystery and questionable engineering.

the eccentric neighbor. Delighted by your choice, insisted on visiting weekly to check the readings. Air quotes though, they often left cryptic notes like it's awakening and feed it sunshine, but not too much. 

Jordan: Is he writing like ruins on the ground too? Like probably kind of concerned. 

Lauran: One particular sun.

Sunny morning Eggbert hatched. Or rather, burst from its shell. Out came a creature unlike anything you'd imagined. A small shimmering being with feathers made of iridescent light and a tail that flickered like the northern lights. It cooed softly, then promptly sneezed, releasing a tiny puff of glittering dust that coated your living room.

You named it Egbert Jr. Deciding it was far too magical for anything mundane. I think that's kind of mundane though. 

Jordan: I think it's mundane for us. Okay, like normal society. 

Lauran: This is the first time Egbert has hatched this early. 

Jordan: It is. 

Lauran: Every other Egbert episode, he has been an egg till the end. 

Jordan: Yes, and then he finally hatches.

Lauran: This is day two, he's hacked. 

Jordan: Day two. My concern though is the glitter. I hate glitter. 

Lauran: Glitter 

Jordan: Glitter is the worst. Gets everywhere and you 

Lauran: never get it away. And 

Jordan: he stings it all over my living room. 

Lauran: It's gonna be sparkly. 

Jordan: Don't want it sparkly. Egbert, come on. 

Lauran: EJ quickly revealed itself to be precocious, mischievous, and oddly fascinated by mirrors.

It grew rapidly thriving on sunlight, reflective surfaces, and what appeared to be an innate curiosity about the world. However, at the age of five, though it rapid, its rapid growth, made it look more like a teen sized ball of cosmic energy. EJ presented you with its first challenge. Okay. I'm sorry. Hold on.

I have to pause when I think of when it's, whenever it reads. Ej. Yeah. All I think of is. In Twilight Breaking Dawn, where Bella's like, If it's a boy, EJ, Edward Jacob. 

Jordan: Stop. 

Lauran: Sorry, that's what I thought of! EJ presented you with its first challenge. It started hoarding shiny objects and built a nest in your backyard out of spoons, CDs, and even your neighbor's garden gnome.

The hoarding seemed harmless until the neighbors complained about missing car keys and pocket change. He's a klepto! I was gonna say, 

Jordan: EJ, you can't steal, man! He's stealing! The 

Lauran: garden 

Jordan: gnome? That's not good! Like, come on! The car keys! I, but, you start from day one for the thing that's large and is in somebody's yard that they're gonna notice?

Lauran: To be honest, if there was a garden gnome in our yard and someone stole it, I probably wouldn't notice. 

Jordan: Just like how you haven't, well, how long did it take you to notice that I hid a duck in our landscaping? 

Lauran: Oh, a long time. 

Jordan: Yeah. 

Lauran: It took a while. But I did notice eventually. 

Jordan: Quackers. Quackers. 

Lauran: Alright, big decision.

How do you address EJ's hoarding tendencies? Enroll EJ in a local behavioral workshop for mystical creatures run by a retired phoenix and a held, and held in a hollowed out tree, or two, embrace EJ's instincts and start a family business selling found treasures, letting it channel its energy into something productive.

Wait a minute. Okay, so our options are, send him to behavior therapy, or, 

Jordan: Encourage. 

Lauran: His, his hoarding tendencies to encourage more stealing for us to then sell and profit off of? This doesn't seem right. 

Jordan: Is it bad? 

Lauran: I kind of want to do the second one. I wanted to see what happens, 

Jordan: but I also kind of want to do the first one because it was like, oh, it's in a hollowed out tree.

Keybler elves. 

Lauran: In my heart, if I had a child that had hoarding tendencies or was stealing things from people, I, in real life, would get them behavioral therapy. Yeah, absolutely. 100%. I would get them the help that they need. 

Jordan: My fictitious egg though. 

Lauran: We're starting a business.

Jordan: Get to work! 

Lauran: Mama needs a new pair of slippers. 

Jordan: Hey, you're really good at stealing, EJ. Let's start a business. 

Lauran: Chapter 3, The Glittering Enterprise. Embracing EJ's natural talent for finding and hoarding shiny objects. It's not finding, he's stealing. It's like Ariel and the Little Mermaid. Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? 

Jordan: Look at this, I found this 500 in your back pocket. It's real nice, isn't it? It'd be a shame if it went to waste. 

Lauran: You decided to turn its habit into a profitable family business. After all, one person's misplaced pocket change is another's treasure trove. Oh, misplaced pocket change?

It's in your pocket! Thus, EJ's Shimmering Fines was born. A pop up shop that quickly gained a cult following for its quirky offerings. Because people are buying back their stuff! They're probably like Hey, I had one of those. Yeah, it's 

Jordan: not popular because I lost it 

Lauran: three weeks ago. I was gonna say, it's 

Jordan: not popular because we're selling good stuff and it's a good business.

It's people like, hey, there's my TV. 

Lauran: EJ loved helping set up displays, crafting intricate nests of sparkling trinkets that enchanted customers. At first, the business thrived. EJ would flutter through the neighborhood, its glowing feathers drawing attention, or awe and attention, as it collected inventory.

It's not even sneaky about it, it's showboating while it's doing it! Customers marveled at the eclectic mix of goods, everything from antique coins and rare jewelry to inexplicably polished rocks. Word spread and soon collectors and treasure hunters were flocking to your shop. However, things took an unexpected turn when EJ, now 10 years old, and the size of a large peacock, began collecting items it shouldn't.

Like, the mayor's prized golf trophy, and an entire disco ball from the local roller rink. This led to a heated town hall meeting, where your entrepreneurial efforts were called into question. Thankfully, your charm and EJ's irresistible sparkle prevented any serious consequences. But the pressure to regulate EJ's inventory sourcing grew.

Jordan: You know what? EJ Is like you. 

Lauran: What? 

Jordan: Yeah. 

Lauran: Why? 

Jordan: With your track record 

Theme: of 

Jordan: speeding. It is taking, it is taking after their mother. It 

Lauran: is not. 

Jordan: Yes, it is, ma'am. We got, we got hauled in and they're going to like, Hey, what should you're stealing from us. That's real bad. And then we're like, we're sorry is very much an okay.

Like if 

Lauran: he's saying this all because I have gotten out of tickets before. Okay. 

Jordan: Speeding ticket 

Lauran: because I am polite. 

Jordan: You bat your eyes and your I'm sorry. Sorry, because 

Lauran: I am a listen guys. I'm a good driver. I promise. I've never been in an accident You weren't like speeding like fast. No, I was just going over the speed limit Like usually they're like 10 like 9 you're fine 10.

You're mine. That's like the golden rule I was going the 10 year mine, so I got pulled over Then, one day, EJ made a shocking discovery. While searching for new treasures, it found an ancient map hidden in the lining of an old leather bag you'd been planning to sell. The map, written in a strange glowing script, seemed to lead to something called the Luminous Vault.

EJ, now utterly fixated on this map, refused to part with it and began begging you to embark on an adventure. Okay. Big decision. Do you set off on the adventure to uncover the secrets of the Luminous Vault, closing the shop temporarily to pursue this To pursue this mysterious treasure? Or do you convince EJ to let go of the map and focus on the business promising to fund its creative projects instead?

What are their names, Harry and James Wormwood from Matilda? They would be like Focus on the business, Matilda! 

Jordan: But I was gonna say, we are working on building, apparently, our criminal enterprise. Why would we give it up? We've stolen so much. Look at my boulder. It's a nice boulder. 

Lauran: I like that boulder. I 

Jordan: like that boulder.

That's a 

Lauran: nice boulder. I stole it out 

Jordan: of the mayor's yard. 

Lauran: Alright, so we're gonna be like, nah, we're not going on this quest. No! Okay. Focus on the 

Jordan: business! 

Lauran: Alright, we focus on the business. Chapter 4, The Glittering Mogul. 

Jordan: Oh no. 

Lauran: Convincing EJ to let go of the mysterious map wasn't easy. It sulked for days.

Its feathers dimming to a dull shimmer that tugged at your heart. Oh, now I feel bad. But when you promised to invest in its creative ideas for expanding the business, EJ's light reignited. And it threw itself back into work with newfound enthusiasm. EJ's first proposal? Transform EJ's shimmering finds into an interactive treasure emporium.

The shop became part storefront, part entertainment experience. EJ built dazzling obstacle courses where customers Wouldn't 

Jordan: the shop be a gift shop? 

Lauran: Oh yeah, I guess. 

Jordan: It's just a gift shop.

Lauran: It's a storefront in part entertainment experience. 

Jordan: We made a gift shop of stolen goods. 

Lauran: EJ built dazzling obstacle courses where customers could earn discounts by navigating tunnels. Of mirrors and glittering mazes. It hosted treasure hunts complete with buried loot hidden in sand pits and even held a spoon polishing night for the local community 

Jordan: Spoon 

Lauran: polishing night.

Riveting. 

Jordan: First off I also want to say I feel like our business practice for, like, that buried treasure hunt, it's like, Oh, you go and you find the buried treasure. It's like the items we've stolen from you, but then you don't get them. You just get You have to buy them at the 

Lauran: store. 

Jordan: You just get crappy knockoffs of your stolen items at the store.

Here's a key chain of your stolen piano. That looks like the 

Lauran: key chain. EJ's magnetic personality and actual magnetism, since it occasionally attracts stray nails. That's kind of dangerous. Yeah, it is. Turns the shop into a beloved town landmark. We have now gaslit this town. We did, no! Into making our thievery a landmark.

We are profiting off of a town in such a bad way. I feel like the Wizard of Oz. 

Jordan: Oh my god. 

Lauran: We are the Wizard of Oz. 

Jordan: And EJ's defying gravity. Are we going to be popular? 

Lauran: No. 

Jordan: No. Okay. 

Lauran: By age 15, EJ had become a local celebrity. Its glowing feathers now cast soft rainbows, and it had even learned to sing a strange but soothing melody that drew crowds.

Jordan: He's hypnotizing people 

Lauran: now. It's time to try, define, 

Jordan: stop. 

Lauran: Where do I leave off? Define, uh, 

Jordan: hypnotizing. Defying 

Lauran: gravity. 

Jordan: Defying gravity. The business 

Lauran: expanded online. Oh god, now we're worldwide?! 

Jordan: Oh my gosh. 

Lauran: And customers across the globe clamored for their own piece of the magic. Life seemed perfect. Until EJ came to you one evening looking uncharacteristically serious.

Jordan: Okay. 

Lauran: I've been thinking. 

Jordan: That's not good. 

Lauran: It said, its voice soft but steady, What am I really doing with my life? Sure, I've built something shiny. What's my purpose? What if I meant for something bigger? EJ showed you the ancient map again. It's glowing script now brighter than ever. I think this map is calling to me.

I need to find out what's out there. Alright, Moana? 

Jordan: Does he want to steal the moon? 

Lauran: Minions? Tonight, we steal the moon! Okay, so do we encourage EJ to follow its dreams even if it means stepping away from the business and embarking on a journey to uncover its purpose? Or, do we remind EJ that it has already created something meaningful and suggests staying home to grow its legacy and continue giving joy to others.

Giving joy. Continue the 

Jordan: criminal empire. 

Lauran: Sorry EJ, we're crushing your dreams once again. You bet. You don't have this higher purpose, it's just to steal and sell things. 

Jordan: Because that's what's funny. 

Lauran: Guys, oh, our poor egg child this round. He's just getting. The worst of the 

Jordan: worst. I feel bad. I do feel bad for him.

Lauran: I do, but it's also fictional and an egg. 

Jordan: It is kind of funny. 

Lauran: Chapter five, the legacy of light. You sat down with EJ, the ancient map glowing faintly between you. EJ, you began gently. You've already created something extraordinary. You've brought joy and wonder to so many people. That's no small thing.

Maybe your purpose isn't out there. It's Right here, shining through the lives you've touched. EJ listened intently, its feathers dimming slightly as it considered your words. After a long pause, it sighed, then smiled. You're right. Maybe I've been chasing something I already have. The map will stay with me.

Who knows? Maybe it's meant to remind me of the magic I carry every day. 

Jordan: Or maybe when we die, it can go on its treasure hunt finally. 

Lauran: Reinvigorated, EJ poured its energy into expanding its impact. It rebranded the business as EJ's Light Emporium. 

Jordan: We go through a rebrand after every time we shut down its idea.

Lauran: Yeah, and honestly, okay, now we're a light emporium. I feel like we're like Menards or Home Depot. 

Jordan: Save big money at EJ's. 

Lauran: Adding a mission, not just to sell treasures. But to create them. 

Jordan: Stop right there. 

Lauran: EJ began hosting workshops to teach others how to turn their own everyday scraps into beautiful, meaningful creations.

So now not only have we spent years Stealing from our, our city, becoming a landmark and gaslighting them. But now we're going to teach them to make the things that we want to sell. That's 

Jordan: what I was about to say is 

Lauran: we took a town, we turned it into a factory, stole 

Jordan: a bunch of their items to create a business empire, and then we turned around.

And because we stole their precious like knickknacks and things, we're like, Hey, we'll teach you how to build knickknacks that we will then go and steal and then sell back to them at a premium. What kind of twisted factory have we developed here? 

Lauran: We are diabolical in this 

Jordan: one. God, move over robber barons of the 1900s.

Lauran: EJ began hosting workshops to teach others how to turn their own everyday scraps into beautiful, beautiful, meaningful creations. It started an in initiative to restore old or broken objects, infusing them with its magic, er, magical touch, and launched a community program to distribute its treasure to those in need of light, figuratively and literally.

Okay. By the age of 20, EJ had become a legend. It's shop was a beacon for travelers, inventors, and dreamers alike. People came not just for the treasures, but to meet the glowing, singing creature who always seemed to know just the right thing to say. Your home, now part of the shop's headquarters, was filled with laughter The 

Jordan: whole town's the shop headquarter!

Yeah, 

Lauran: essentially. Sparkling displays and letters of gratitude from around the world. Thank you for stealing my stuff! I really loved buying it back from you. I 

Jordan: didn't need those crutches. 

Lauran: One evening, EJ perched on a high beam, its rainbow light bathing the room below. I think this is it, it said, its voice filled with contentment.

This is my purpose. I'm not just a collector of treasures. I'm a creator of joy. Stop! 

Jordan: No! 

Lauran: I'm a creator of joy. E. J. Epilogue, The Eternal Glow. Years later, E. J. 's light emporium had become a global phenomenon. Schools taught the E. J. method of finding beauty in everyday objects. And countless people credited EJ's work with sparking their creativity and hope.

Duh, he, he, he gaslit the world! Into him being a philosopher of some sort. No! Though EJ never did uncover the secrets of the Luminous Vault, the map hung proudly in the shop, a symbol of the paths not taken, and the magic found along the way. Well, wait, no, they wouldn't find the magic along the way, because they didn't take the path!

Jordan: Yeah. 

Lauran: As for you The proud parents of the shimmering, singing being who started as a mysterious egg, you lived surrounded by light, laughter, and the knowledge that you had helped nurture something truly extraordinary. 

Jordan: And very, very lucrative for my bank account, apparently. 

Lauran: In the end, EJ wasn't just your child.

It was your legacy, too. And your paycheck. 

Jordan: And our paycheck. We may have created smog from the Hobbit. 

Lauran: No, no, we did not. Oh my Lord. Okay. So this is, wow. This is something. Okay. You ready to see EJ? Oh my gosh. This. This is EJ. 

Jordan: Oh my gosh. 

Lauran: We'll put a picture up on the screen. Oh my goodness. He is. He's gorgeous.

He is 

Jordan: beautiful. Listen, I'm 

Lauran: gonna be honest. If I was a town folk living in this town, I would be hypnotized. 

Jordan: I do love in the artwork all the spoons 

Lauran: on the left hand side. I love rusty spoons. Oh no, not 

Jordan: salad fingers. No. 

Lauran: Okay, this is killing me. Okay. So EJ is, for those of you that are, yeah, that are not watching, EJ is a beautiful phoenix dragon looking creature.

Very, like, griffin, kind of griffin esque, 

Jordan: very, is it prismatic? Yes. With its coloring and everything? 

Lauran: Very rainbow and iridescent all over the feathers. Like, the eyes are giant light up jewels, just blue jewels, and he's in this room that looks like Legend of the Hidden Temple, but entirely gold and then like a wall of spoons.

It 

Jordan: looks a lot like Smaug's horde. 

Lauran: Does it? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, his treasure horde, yeah. Okay, it also kind of reminds me of, um, Well, I guess it's a more it's more golden than it would be in the Harry Potter films, but kind of reminds me of 

Jordan: room of requirement. 

Lauran: A little bit of the rumor requirement, but I was going to say Bellatrix's Vault.

Oh, yeah. Because she had all that, like, random crap in there, like different plates and stuff and bowls and china sets and whatever. 

Jordan: Yes, I very much agree with that too. 

Lauran: So, I would say that that is, uh, we built an empire. We boss babed that town. 

Jordan: I don't feel very clean about our empire. 

Lauran: You know what we did?

Jordan: What did we do? 

Lauran: We pyramid schemed that town. 

Jordan: I think we did worse than a pyramid scheme. 

Lauran: Yeah, but i'm just saying like think about it. Okay We started off by having some starter items to sell Then we got the townsfolk to make the items we wanted to sell Sold them back to them And then they brought more people to come buy the items.

Jordan: This is a super pyramid scheme. This isn't just a pyramid scheme. This is 

Lauran: a trapezoid scheme. 

Jordan: This is a 40 chess scheme. 

Lauran: Wow, okay, well, that was, honestly, I think that one might have been my most fun Egbert adventure yet. 

Jordan: I just feel bad because that was just not 

Lauran: The choices that we picked were so not what we would have done, obviously, in real life.

But Sometimes it's fun to, one, this is, it's literally a fictional egg. 

Theme: Yeah. 

Lauran: It's fun to do the wrong thing on the story because it gives you a funny outcome. Yeah, 

Jordan: no, I agree. Like, 

Lauran: in our fictional town, we robbed tons of people, started probably the worst, like, scam of all time. I'm 

Jordan: trying to think of a business that has been that much of a scam, and I don't know, I think we, I think we found something new today.

Lauran: Have you watched the Netflix documentary Dirty Pop? 

Jordan: Uh, 

Lauran: you got you should watch that. 

Jordan: I know that's the story about the manager from NSYNC, right? 

Lauran: The story of the guy who like created boy bands. Yeah, 

Jordan: but I still don't think he stole from people and then sold what he stole back to them. 

Lauran: Um, 

Jordan: Oh, I might be wrong.

I might be wrong. 

Lauran: I don't know. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna speak on that, but it was a pretty bad. Yeah. If you haven't seen that documentary, It's worth a watch. Very interesting. That guy is, uh, kind of A scumbag and took lots of people's money. Um, so anyway, I loved that one. That was really fun 

Jordan: No, I did too.

So I don't 

Lauran: know why I closed the ipad because I need it still. Yeah, 

Jordan: you need that I 

Lauran: know but I And i'm back to ej Ej all right. Well, we have finally reached the point where we can announce the results 

Jordan: After 

this break and we are back. It's time. So it It is time. 

Lauran: It is time. 

Jordan: It is time 

Lauran: to announce the winner or should I say loser of the pizza?

Vote. 

Jordan: Pizza. Vote. 

Lauran: The pizza vote. So it came in our last episode with Nancy? Yes. We asked you guys does. Or do anchovies belong on pizza? Which is 

Jordan: an 

Lauran: easy question. Easy question. Obviously no. 

Jordan: Very simple answer. 

Lauran: They don't belong. 

Jordan: Do. 

Lauran: No. 

Jordan: Yes. 

Lauran: One of these things is not like the other. 

Jordan: And by a very narrow margin.

Lauran: A landslide. 

Jordan: A very narrow margin. 

Lauran: A literal, like, avalanche. 

Jordan: Lauren has to dress up. 

Lauran: That is a lie, okay? I won, and you guys were on my side that anchovies do not belong on pizzas. Gross. Ew. Bleh. Okay? So, Jordan No, 

Jordan: hold up. Audience, we're gonna have a chat. We're gonna have a chat. Guys. Guys. Come on. You really, you're really gonna do this to me?

Lauran: I'm so excited to see Jordan dress up like a pineapple, it's not even funny. So now, 

Jordan: thanks to you, and you, and you over there, I have to dress up. I don't only just have to dress up as a pineapple and paint my face to match the pineapple aesthetic, but I also have to eat a disgusting pineapple pizza. 

Lauran: And that's going to be taking place on the next episode, my dears, so don't miss it!

Cause I sure won't, and I'm gonna be re watching that clip for the rest of my days because that is how joyous 

Jordan: and excited 

Lauran: I am that I don't have to eat anchovy pizza. I am 

Jordan: disappointed in all of you. In you the most because you encouraged it. 

Lauran: No, I think you just have an unpopular opinion. I'm gonna win the next challenge.

Jordan: We will figure out what the next challenge will be on next week's episode. Somehow, in the middle of that episode, I'm sure it'll come to me. Of what I'm challenging. Or if you guys 

Lauran: have a challenge that we should do. I like that. 

Jordan: What should, yeah, what should we challenge? Put it in the comments. And then we'll figure out how we'll battle it out.

Or email it to us. And the loser will have to own up to the consequences. I am a man of my word. So I am, I'm gonna eat that pineapple pizza. I'm gonna show you. I don't want to do it. 

Lauran: And on that note, it's time for this week's special bond. Special bond. Alright, this one comes from Julia Ann. I built such a great relationship with my senior year English teacher, so much so my parents also built one with her too.

She's now a friend. She's 11 years older since after I graduated, and I feel like I have her as an older sister now, more than anything. I get to spend time with her kids, and we try to see each other a lot. I have more teacher stories, but as a teacher, I've had a student my third and fourth year of teaching.

Her 4th and 5th grade year, who just was so attached to me. She could come to me and tell me anything. She is now in 9th grade and we've kept in touch through mom, and I also hear now from her every so often. Another student I have known since she was in 5th grade is going to be graduating from high school this year, and she and I also keep in touch as well.

I tell my students once they have me, they have me for life. And those students prove that I'm still there for them for life. I love that. Um, first things first I also had an english teacher in high school that was um She's only Nine years older than me and she she was my speech coach in high school And then when I graduated I became a coach for that same team and we continued our friendship and we're still friends to this day I also look at her as an older sister She's been a role model of mine for you know, ever since I had her in ninth grade So I have a similar relationship and I cherish it.

So I'm glad you you were able to experience something similar And as for always being there for your students, yeah, once you're my student, you're my student for life Like I know that we don't always have the same relationships with every single student But even if like you weren't close with me in fifth grade I hope my students would know that they could come to me with anything, you know, even if they're in 12th grade and they're just having a hard time and they need something, like, my door's always open.

Come on in. Um, so yeah, thank you for sharing that, Julia Ann. And if you would like to tell us your special bond, um, whether that is a teacher special bond or some other kind of special bond, we would love to hear it. Please send it to us at wearefinepod. com. Calm, or you can email it to us at hello at we are fine pod dot com.

Um, I love reading them and I, it just gives me the warm fuzzies when I hear stories of just people shouting out the important people in their lives. 

Jordan: No, it's nice to hear that and everything. So, um, Especially just kind of the full circle of it. Like you had a teacher that like really influenced you, became a big part of your life, and then extending that to the next generation is just.

I love seeing it. So, so we want to know how the show's going and you can do that by reaching out to us at our human content podcast family on IG and TikTok at human content pod. Well, maybe on TikTok. Depending. I have seen some as of today. 

Lauran: Hopefully on TikTok. 

Jordan: Is January 16th. There were inklings. We might still have some.

I 

Lauran: don't know. We'll see. I don't know. 

Jordan: Nobody knows. We're gonna, we're gonna be hopeful. Yeah, we're gonna be hopeful. So maybe Tik Tok, maybe not Tik Tok, or you know what you could do? You could contact us directly at hello at we are fine pod. com. 

Lauran: Thank you to all of our listeners, leaving all kinds of kind feedback and comments on the videos and just everywhere.

We love reading them. Please continue to do that. I want to hear from you guys. How's everything going? Like Jordan said, this is brand new. Like our podcast is new and we're. Just getting started. So we can't wait to hear more from you guys. 

Jordan: And I think like going further than that, like your reviews and everything are very helpful to us.

Just not only to just spread the word on a lot of platforms, put a lot of emphasis on reviews, but also for to help kind of shape the show. We want this to be a family and we want to hear what you guys have to say to help shape what we create and everything. So, 

Lauran: right. Uh, so we do have a shout out today and this is.

From, uh, or four, I should say, uh, Cynthia Hernandez 2667. So thank you, Cynthia. She said, thanks for sharing that beautiful song. I could feel the feelings and emotions you both really encapsulated. How one is looking for their honeybee to come back. I really appreciate that, Cynthia. Cause that was something that was really scary for us to share.

Not only just like our miscarriage experience. But, the fact that we chose to cope with that grief through song. And, obviously, neither of us are, you know, professional. Well, I guess you were a professional musician. But I, I definitely am not. And so For us to be able to share something like that with you guys, and you guys be so respectful, and just so kind, and supportive, means the absolute world to us.

Jordan: And I was gonna say, even though, like, I did music when I was like in college and stuff, I'm still really rusty at it. So it, like you said, it was kind of scary to put something out that we had created, um, into the world. It was, for us, it was a way to heal, but we were doing it kind of on a public level.

platform and it was a little scary and we were really, we do really appreciate a lot of the kind words and Just love and the outpouring of that love to us during that time It really means a lot to both lauren and I 

Lauran: so thank you. Appreciate that. Love you, cynthia If you guys want to check out the full episodes of the podcast in visual format You can do so on my youtube channel at mrs.

Wooley in fifth. We let them or we let them go We we let them go fly Every Wednesday. So, check them out if you haven't seen. Look, 

Jordan: there's a, there's a mythical podcast flying through the air. 

Lauran: You can check them out on Wednesdays. I think it stole 

Jordan: my wallet. 

Lauran: It definitely stole your wallet. 

Jordan: Do you want to know who our hosts are?

Lauran: Who's our host? I 

Jordan: don't know. Do you want to, do you want to know who our hosts are? Who's 

Lauran: our host? You're 

Jordan: our host, Lauren Woolley, and I'm the other host, 

Lauran: Jordan Woolley. Our executive producers are Lauren and Jordan Woolley. 

Jordan: Aaron Corny. Rob Goldman. Ooh, we said Rob's name together. Because we 

Lauran: love Rob the most.

Just kidding, we love all of them equally. Don't, that's just mean. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 

Jordan: And Shanti Brooke. 

Lauran: Our editor is Andrew Sims. 

Jordan: Our engineer is Jason Portizzo. And 

Lauran: our music is by Omer Bensby. 

Jordan: To learn about our program, disclaimer. Oh, I was right. To learn about our program, just stop. Why'd you laugh?

I had it that time. Time to learn about our program. Disclaimer and ethics policy and submission verification and licensing term go to we are fine pod.com or reach out to us at hello we are fine pod.com with any questions or concerns. That's hello 

Lauran: at 

Jordan: we are 

Lauran: fine 

Jordan: pod com. Did you know how say that 

Lauran: now?

You said hello? We are fine . 

Jordan: Well, I mean hello. We're fine. So email us at hello at we are fine. pod.com. 

Lauran: This podcast discusses sensitive and challenging topics, including mental health and personal struggles. If you're in crisis or need someone to talk to, please reach out to the Suicide Hotline at 988.

The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You are not alone. 

Jordan: I don't think the people know this, but have you heard the good news? 

Lauran: What's that? 

Jordan: The good news that we are fine is a human content.

Lauran: We'll see you next week, guys. Bye!

Jordan: Hey you! 

Lauran: I love 

Jordan: that shirt you're wearing. And you know what would go great with that shirt? What? A nice big virtual hug. Aww. And you can get that by hitting some of these buttons down here. Subscribe, like, comment, we'll give you a big ol virtual hug. 

Lauran: Thank you so much for listening and we will see you guys next Wednesday.

Bye! 

Bye!