Escape Womb: Getting Our Security Deposit Back

Jordan: In a move that would make Egon Spengler weep with pride. 

Lauran: Who's that?

Jordan: I'm done. 

I'm done.

Well, we're back again. 

Lauran: We are, and we have a new game today! We 

Jordan: teased it in the last episode, and we're here to play the new game today. Are you excited? 

Lauran: I'm excited. I'm 

Jordan: excited because I'm piloting the game. 

Lauran: Woo! Jordan's in charge. I 

Jordan: have the iPad now. I'm 

Lauran: scared. 

Jordan: So, 

our new game is called Escape Room. 

Um, I'm sorry, was that Escape Room?

No! No, ma'am, you heard correctly. It was Escape 

Room. Oh, 

Lauran: escape womb. Yes. Um, I'm, that makes me both scared and uncomfy. Why is it called that? 

Jordan: Well, I know as I've reached adulthood, I've learned a lot of skills that I probably should have learned a lot sooner in my life, 

but 

did not get to them until, you know, they crop up.

In your twenties and thirties, and you're like, oh, I should know how to change a tire. 

Lauran: So, like, our knowledge level is still that of a child in the womb. 

Jordan: Yes, very much so. I see. Yes. Okay. And you know what? We could be doing better, but we could always be learning too. 

Lauran: We're fine. We're fine. You know what?

We'll get there. We'll, we'll learn as we go. What perfect, what a perfect episode. For us to play a fun adulting game. Yes. Uh, while I'm wearing my Disney World sweatshirt. 

Jordan: With definitely the adult look of having a strand of blue fuzz just hanging on the shirt too. You had 

Lauran: to point it out. 

Jordan: Oh, I absolutely did.

And I made sure to do it on the audio form too, so everyone would know it was happening. 

Lauran: for that. I'm glad they know. 

Jordan: So, how this game works is we are given an adulting skill. 

Lauran: Okay. 

Jordan: That most people suck at. 

Lauran: So, all of them. 

Jordan: For us, yes. 

Lauran: Okay. 

Jordan: And we have to navigate the trials and tribulations of said skill.

Lauran: I'm nervous. Like, what the heck kind of skill could we get? 

Jordan: Uh, I mean, it could be anything from cancelling subscription services to Taxes. Taxes. I hate Changing a tire. I hate having 

Lauran: to do my taxes. Ugh. I don't mind paying taxes. Why are they so complicated? I like taxes. They pay for roads. Right. Like, I don't mind paying for services.

In my community, but I just don't, I don't like how confusing it is. 

Jordan: So, the game will spin its internal wheel. It'll go round and round and it'll land on a scale for us. And then we have to, through the mystical powers of roleplay, in auditorial storytelling? No, I don't like that. Auditory. Auditory storytelling.

Sure. 

Lauran: Through the mystical That was fine. 

Jordan: Yeah. Through all of that, we have to navigate our way. And see if we succeed, and I believe at the end we are given a grade. 

Lauran: Ooh, okay, so they're gonna grade our adulting. 

Jordan: Yeah, told on a, given us on a scale, tell us how well we did. 

Lauran: So, we're going to complete these tasks as if we're like, approaching it.

Head on right now. Yes, not based on like something we've done in the past. 

Jordan: Correct Okay, and we can be just as descriptive as possible So if you want to sit there and you're like I'm paying my taxes But I'm crying while drinking a glass of warm milk. Go ahead. 

Lauran: Okay. 

Jordan: Okay, so I've done some back work 

Lauran: Okay, 

Jordan: the AI has decided what we are doing.

Lauran: What is it? 

Jordan: And today, the chosen skill is getting our security deposit back. We're moving out. 

Lauran: What? 

Jordan: Yeah. 

Lauran: Wait. Oh 

Jordan: yeah. 

Lauran: Wait. Getting a security deposit back? Yeah. 

Jordan: When you rent an apartment, you know, you put a security deposit down and then you don't get that back until you move out. 

Lauran: I, okay, I knew that because I have friends that rent.

I actually never lived in an apartment because I went to, I went to college like at home. So I lived at my, like my parents home. Until I got married and we bought our house. I don't know how to do that. 

Jordan: I would call you lame, but I am also in the same boat. I was going to say you did 

Lauran: the same thing as me.

So neither of us actually know how to do this. 

Jordan: So the title of this escape room is called the landlord's lair of lost deposits. 

Lauran: Lost deposits. Did they lose it? Why? Oh, no, 

Jordan: they found a reason to withhold your security deposit. 

Lauran: They always do. 

Jordan: They always do. Alright, so what do we have to do? So, we find ourselves trapped inside a dusty, haunted apartment where every past tenant has failed to get their security deposit back.

The walls ooze unpaid fees. The carpet bears mysterious stains that defy science. And somewhere, Deep inside lurks the Landlord Spectre, an ancient entity who hoards security deposits like a dragon with gold. 

Lauran: Okay, I feel like we're already being set up for failure because it's said that no one else who's ever lived in this apartment Has gotten their deposit back.

That sounds like a you problem landlord, not your tenants That's not fair 

Jordan: Yeah, but time is running out. A terrifying move out checklist begins floating in the air, its ink bleeding red as impossible fees start appearing on it. The Lord Landlord Spectre will lock in your fate and your security deposit.

Oh 

no! 

Escape! And the 

money is yours, fail, and you will owe cleaning fees, for always and eternity. 

Lauran: Hold on, is that how that works? Because if I gave a security deposit, like let's say the security deposit was like 500 or something. Why am I then also paying a cleaning fee? Isn't that what the security deposit is for?

Jordan: Damages. But 

Lauran: that's what the security deposit is for! It's the same as Well, it comes out, yeah. But it's the same as hotels! Yeah, it's 

Jordan: So your security deposit covers the damages paying 

Lauran: more fees? Well, 

Jordan: because they're so disgusting, they need more money to cover the damages. 

Lauran: Renting sounds like a trap. 

Jordan: You might not be wrong there.

Um Fun fact, Lauren, you have a special ability during this escape room. Oh, 

Lauran: I have a superpower? 

Jordan: The Grim Whisperer. What? You can convince dirt, stains, and grime to reveal their deepest secrets, including how they got there and how you might be able to get rid of them. 

Lauran: I don't know that I want this power.

Why do I want to know? And 

Jordan: I very much Appropriately have the illusion of perfection. I can create a flawless, but temporary illusion that makes any room look spotless, perfect for last minute inspections, but it only lasts a few minutes, so 

Lauran: we have to get them in and out 

Jordan: or it's all hidden in the closet.

Lauran: Oh no. 

Jordan: All right. The grime begins. The apartment groans as the move out checklist floats before you. It reads, Clean the mysterious carpet stains. Fix the cabinet that falls off, even if you look at it. Find the missing smoke detector that somehow vanished. A strange draft blows through the room, carrying with it the scent of cranberry juice.

And you notice a faint Are you grabbing the cranberry juice off 

Lauran: the The faint scent of cranberry 

Jordan: Expired cranberry. It's not 

Lauran: expired yet. 

Jordan: Oh, no. Okay. 

Lauran: It's the faint smell of non expired cranberry juice. That's the first time that's come down off 

Jordan: the shelf. Um, a strange draft blows through the room, uh, carrying with it the scent of cranberry juice.

And you notice a faint, sticky stain leading toward the hallway. What do you do? Um. 

Lauran: I notice a faint, sticky stain. Yeah. I'm going to decide to use my super stain whisper powers to, Ask the stain, which I'm not sure I really want to know how it got there and how I can Seduce it out of my apartment 

Jordan: You're seducing the stain 

Lauran: I guess?

I don't really know. I just want it out of there. I want my money back. 

I want to get my security deposit. 

Jordan: Lauren, you've activated your Grime Whisper powers. The room darkens. The cranberry stained carpet begins to ripple, as if something ancient stirs beneath its fibers. 

Lauran: Oh. Suddenly, 

Jordan: the stain forms a ruddy, Juicy, dripping face and speaks in a raspy voice.

I was born during the Great Friendsgiving of 2014. Spilled by Chad. Thought it was a good idea to do cartwheels with two bottles of Barefoot Moscato. I've been here ever since, growing stronger and stickier. Also, don't question why a white stain, or a white wine left a red stain. Oh! Hahahahaha! 

Lauran: Stang it, cat!

Oh! 

Jordan: It gurgles, oozing cranberry juice and defiance. 

But I'm a sucker for compliments. Stroke my ego, and I'll release my hold 

on this foul fabric. You lean in against every natural instinct and begin showering the stain with absurd flattery. 

Lauran: Stain, you are so beautiful. 

Jordan: You are 

Lauran: kind. You are precious. You are so pretty.

Look at 

Jordan: you, ruby red like true royalty. 

Lauran: I wish my hair was the color of you, Stain. 

Jordan: Well, you know what? The stain blushes. 

Oh. 

And with a sigh, lifts itself from the carpet. 

I 

got rid of a stain! You got rid of a stain, ma'am. Yay! Pouring into a floating cranberry blob, before plopping into a nearby mop bucket.

Lauran: Oh, I was so hoping that it would just like Float out the door and just plop into the hallway carpet like That's not my apartment. You can't get me for that 

Jordan: it within these four walls, sir within these four walls That is not my apartment. 

Lauran: Can I just say though? I am very relieved that that stain was Is it a white wine?

Jordan: Uh, yes, I I would like to um, it was barefoot. Moscato. Moscato is a white wine, correct? 

Lauran: Yeah But it was a cranberry red stain. Yep. Maybe they mixed cranberry juice and moscato. 

Jordan: You mean a rosette? Well, not a rosé. That's not a rosé. No. That's not a rosé. 

Lauran: Cranberry juice. And Moscato. That's just a mix of A mix of, yeah.

That's just a mix 

Jordan: of drinks. 

Well, you know what? Before you can celebrate, the ground shakes. God. From the kitchen, you hear a cabinet door fall off. 

Lauran: I didn't even look at it! 

Jordan: Again! 

Lauran: I didn't even look at it this time! Followed 

Jordan: by a 

haunting whisper. The damage fee is four hundred dollars. 

Lauran: Oh my god. God, that already gave him 500 for my security deposit!

Well, 

Jordan: yeah, it came down. You got the, you got the stain out. We're down one. Oh, I 

Lauran: thought it was like adding on 

Jordan: 400. No, you're, the damage fee is now 400. 

Lauran: Oh. 

Jordan: Yeah. 

Lauran: Whoops. 

Jordan: The move out checklist glows menacingly in the landlord, Lord Specter. 

Lauran: Listen, 

Jordan: if 

Lauran: adulting tasks were as fun as this, and like magical and mystical, I would do them all the time.

Right? 

Jordan: Like, if it was. Let's be real, if it was a D& D adventure, like, aw yeah, it would be so much fun to do these. 

Lauran: Yeah, roll for stain removal. 

Jordan: Roll for carpet cleanup. Roll for aisle three. 

Lauran: Oh god, what's next? 

Jordan: Alright, it's time to face the cabinet of doom. 

Lauran: I hate this cabinet. 

Jordan: The fallen cabinet door lies before you, the screws are nowhere to be found, and the wood looks warped, like it's been sabotaged.

A faint scratching sound comes from within the cabinet. 

Lauran: Is it a rat? 

Jordan: And there's an ominous egg. 

Lauran: What? 

Jordan: Sitting on the shelf. 

Lauran: Why? 

Jordan: The draft picks up again. The move out checklist now reads, Fix the cabinet. Locate the missing smoke detector. Deal with whatever is inside the cabinet. What do you do, Lauren? 

Lauran: Wait, do I get to pick?

Jordan: Yeah, you get to pick what you want to do. 

Lauran: I think, first I need to locate the smoke detector, because that is just a hazard. Like, what if my apartment sets on fire in the last few days that I live here? I could burn in a fiery death. So, I'm gonna fix the smoke detector, but I have to like, hunt it down. So, yeah, I'm gonna do that first.

I think that's, that's a good plan. Fix the hazard first, then I'll worry about the stupid cabinet door. I don't even want to know what's in that egg. 

Jordan: So you're definitely going for the triage method. You're, you're attacking priorities. Yeah, I'm 

Lauran: a, I'm a prioritizer. I have to look at my tasks and pick which one makes the most sense to do first.

You know, I'm just, 

Jordan: I'm thinking here. I think, um, the mysterious pulsing egg might be a little bit more dangerous than the missing smoke detector. Shoot! 

Lauran: I picked the wrong thing! Dang it! What is the egg? Does it tell you yet? 

Jordan: I don't know, you decided to ignore the egg in the cabinet that was not there.

Well 

You're telling me, you walk into your kitchen, you see an egg that is ominously moving around, 

and you're like, I'm gonna find the smoke detector. 

Lauran: It's just the egg, but here's the thing, here's the thing. That's like saying, in a scary movie, you are in the cabin, in the middle of the night, You hear an ominous sound outside, and you ignore it and choose not to go.

That's like saying that. Like, yeah, I'm gonna ignore that. I'm not going outside. The person who investigates is the one who dies first. 

Jordan: And you know what? That makes a lot of sense because you are ever the voice of reason. Ha ha! Yay! In a world gone mad. Deciding that not burning alive takes priority. Yeah!

Smart move, you. Look at you go. 

Lauran: I don't want to die a fiery death. 

Jordan: You grab a broom, half for defense and half for dramatic flair, like, why not? And you begin your smoke detector hunt. You follow a faint, high pitched beeping that sounds 

Lauran: Listen, those beeps haunt me at night. One time, the night before we were leaving for a long road trip to go on vacation 

Jordan: Oh my god, that was the worst.

Our smoke detector 

Lauran: started going off for us to change the batteries. We had just gotten to sleep at like 11. 30 or midnight. We were getting up at 4 in the morning to start driving and the smoke detector went off at like 12. 45. Yeah, you could just fall asleep. That is a nightmare. 

Jordan: Yep. The sound seems to come and go.

You can't really get a good feel of where it is. 

Lauran: That is, that's even worse. Beep beep beep beep beep. No, it's more like, like it's like a really annoying high pitched beep. Let me 

Jordan: do that again. Oh wait, warning for your ears just in case. 

Lauran: Yeah, it's more like that. 

Jordan: The smoke detector is mocking you. You scour the obvious spots.

Under the sink? No. Who puts a smoke detector under the sink? Why would it be 

Lauran: there? Come 

Jordan: on. In the fridge? Weirdly almost. There's a lone slice of pizza. A garage door opener. 

Why is that in the fridge? Why'd you But no 

detector. Inside the utility closet. You find a 

sandal. And a VHS tape labeled, Landlord's Secrets.

Do not watch. I 

Lauran: want to 

Jordan: watch it. But still no detector. Then you notice something strange. Tiny little scratch marks on the floor leading toward the bathroom. You push open the door and BAM! The missing smoke detector is floating on the bathroom tub. 

Lauran: Oh, wait, floating in the tub? 

Jordan: Floating in the bathroom tub.

Lauran: Is it full of water? 

Jordan: And it's wearing a tiny tinfoil hat. What? It speaks in a robotic voice. I will not go back. The landlord uses me to spy. I have seen unspeakable lease violations. Oh my gosh. It seems paranoid but functional. To get it back on the wall, you need to convince it that you're not in league with the landlord, Spectre.

What do you say? To the rogue smoke detector. 

Lauran: First little smoke detector. Yes. Thank you for revealing your secrets to me. Because it is absolutely wrong that the landlord is using you to spy. That is not right. But, before I can convince you to go back onto the wall, can me and you maybe like grab that VHS out of the closet that says Landlord Secrets and watch that?

Cause I'm sure there's something golden on there. And then, after that, I will put you back on the wall. And I promise, I promise to take out any spyware, or, I don't even know what, what are, bugs? Like, what do they use to spy? But, you know, I'll, I'll take all that out so they can't use it to spy anymore. You can just protect people from fires, kay?

Kay, thank you. 

I want to watch this VHS! I want to know what's in it. 

How are they, how am I just finding this VHS in the closet that says Landlord Secrets and I didn't, I've lived here for how long and I didn't see that before? 

Jordan: The smoke detector's LED light blinks once red, blinks twice red, but on the third time, it blinks green.

You speak the truth, and you understand the code of the beeps. I will allow this. 

Lauran: Yes! I got the smoke detector on my side. 

Jordan: With a heroic swoop, you grab the dusty, the land, lord, lord, land, secrets, do not watch. VHS tape, and pop it in a warbly old player that somehow still works. The screen flickers to life.

A film starts to play. Your landlord's sitting in a folding chair, sipping cranberry juice, while explaining. Tenants never check the cabinets. That's where I hide all the mysterious fees. And the smoke detectors? 

I've got them rigged to send me emotional data. Crying, stress level, that sort of thing. Gotta know when to pounce with a random rent increase.

Oh 

my gosh! She's evil! The 

smoke detector lets out an offensive beep. Oh! 

But if anyone 

ever finds this tape, well, I guess I'm screwed. But who's gonna look in the closet? 

Lauran: Me! I'ma look in the closet and you found it? Yeah, I found it in the storage closet or whatever. You got, got, landlord, lord, land, whatever your name is.

Jordan: It just keeps adding. Yeah. Um, as the VHS footage ends, the smoke detector floats into your hands. Okay, you're cool, but seriously, get me back on the wall. Sand spyware, of course. You debug the smoke detector. He sends you a thankful beep, and you reattach him to the wall, remove his tinfoil hat, and secure him properly.

Congratulations, the smoke has been restored. 

Lauran: Yay! Wow, okay, getting my security deposit back is not as hard as I thought it would be. 

Jordan: Don't be so confident. You return to the kitchen, the egg on the cabinet starts to crack open. But instead of a baby bird, a tiny gremlin in a landlord suit crawls out, holding a clipboard.

You break it, you buy it. What? Cabinet damage 

fee, six hundred dollars. What?! 

He starts stapling invisible papers midair, the cabinet door still lies broken on the floor, the screws still remain missing, and now this fee gremlin is aggressively calculating late fees. Your damage fee is now 1, 000. 

Lauran: Oh my god!

Couldn't I just go to like Home Depot and pick up some more screws and put the cabinet door back? 

Jordan: You could, but what is your next move? I 

Lauran: feel like I gotta deal with this gremlin now. I'm gonna get my giant mixing bowl that has a lid on top, and I'm, like a spider, I'm gonna try and trap the gremlin in one of those, uh, what are they?

Food storage container bowls. And then I'm gonna put him in the freezer. Because I don't know how else to deal with a late notice gremlin. I don't like that. 

Jordan: Lauren, with the calm precision of someone who's trapped too many house spiders, In a very dirty apartment. You grab your largest mixing bowl in the kitchen.

One of those absurdly big ones that you don't really know what to use it for. Like, it doesn't make sense for baking. Puffy chow. I was gonna say, it makes more sense for popcorn, but 

Lauran: I have one bowl that's massive and has a lid. And the only thing I use it for is to make puppy chow. And if you don't know what that is, look it up.

Jordan: With the fee gremlin aggressively sending up damage fee after damage fee, you sneakily creep up behind him. You hear, Fee for staring aggressively. What? Fifty dollars. 

Lauran: Okay. Fee 

Jordan: for kitchen air quality. A hundred and twenty dollars. 

Lauran: How is the air quality my fault? 

Jordan: With a swift splat. You slam the bull over the gremlin.

It lets out a muffled, high pitched scream. I HAVE RIGHTS! I 

KNOW THE TENET CODE! 

But you're not done. You grab the lid, slap it on, and duct tape the whole thing like your security deposit depends on it. Let's be real, it does. So. 

Lauran: I mean, yeah, apparently I'm up to like 2, 000 in security deposits at this point.

Jordan: With surprising strength, you lug the wriggling bowl to the freezer, wedge it between some questionable frozen cranberries, and an ancient bag of waffle fries from a date we will not discuss. And slam the door shut. 

Lauran: Okay, why is that a thing though? Why does everybody have one bag of like half open french fries that are just freezer burnt in the back of our freezers?

Because 

Jordan: they're still good. They're frozen, right? That's how that works. 

Lauran: Sure. 

Jordan: The freezer shakes and shakes and then falls silent. You can hear almost the distant echo of Fees for emotional distress and chilling behavior. 75 

Lord. Emotional damage. , 

but he's trapped for now. Ugh.

You have contained the fee gremlin. Woo. The apartment shutters, the landlord specter begins materializing in the living room. Half spectral, half polyester, blend of suit, all jerk. Well, yeah. His face, a twisted version of the default stock photo of a landlord. 

You think this is over? 

I invented damage fees.

The move out checklist begins to burst into flames, revealing one final demand. Present the 

apartment for inspection or forfeit your deposit forever. Wait 

Lauran: a second. Now hold on. That's not fair. I was trying to fix the apartment for you, and you and your little gremlin wouldn't let me. 

Jordan: Ma'am, look around.

There's a lingering smell of cranberry juice. That fee gremlin I know is still somewhere. I don't know where you hide him, but I'll find 

him. In the smoke detector, I know you did something to him. 

Lauran: Yeah, I'm an animal spy. 

Jordan: What do you do? 

Lauran: Okay, I know somewhere in my closet. I have a Ghostbusters Halloween costume that I wore in, like, the 10th grade or something.

So, I run to my closet, frantically pull through all of my clothes, and find my Ghostbuster, like, Duster, Buster, whatever, Buster. 

Jordan: Ghostbuster, Duster, Buster. Sure, 

Lauran: that. And then I'm gonna use it to try and vacuum up the, the landlord, lord, land, ghost. Spectre. That's the best I can, I can, I don't know how to deal with a landlord ghost!

Jordan: In a move that would make Egon Spengler weep with pride. 

Lauran: Who's that?

Jordan: I'm done! I'm done!

Lauran: Is it a guy from Ghostbusters? 

Jordan: Yes! It is! 

Lauran: Which guy? 

Jordan: It is the guy with the glasses. 

Lauran: What's his name? 

Jordan: I cannot remember the actor's name. 

Lauran: No, what's his name? 

Jordan: Oh, Egon Spengler. 

Lauran: Oh, I don't know why I didn't think that was his name. 

Jordan: I'm pretty sure it's the guy with the glasses. Okay, continue. In a move that would make Egon Spengler weep with pride.

You sprint to your closet. Clothes flying everywhere. Formal wear. Forgotten hoodies. That one Christmas sweater you stole from your husband and you can't part with, but you also can never wear it because then he'll know you've had it for three years. 

Lauran: Listen, now I know this is made up because I would just steal his clothes and then wear them around him so he knew I stole them.

Jordan: Until at last, you unearth your old Ghostbusters Halloween costume. 

Lauran: Yeah, I knew it was in there. It might 

Jordan: be a little snug, 10th grade was a while ago, but it still fits just enough. You slap on that proton pack, it may be plastic, but it's filled with the power of sheer desperation. And I'm desperate. And you fire up the Duster Buster, patent pending.

The vacuum roars to life with a noise somewhere between a leaf blower In a dying blender, the landlord Spectre turns, swirling into a vortex of unpaid fees and passive aggressive emails. You'll never get that deposit 

back! I left scuff marks under the fridge you'll never find! 

Lauran: Well, you just told me they were there, so I can get them out then.

Jordan: Oh, shoot. I did, didn't I? 

But you don't hesitate. You lunge forward, slamming the nozzle into the swirling ghosts who house in a bureaucratic agony. 

Fee for unsanctioned ghost busting, 9, 000. 

Lauran: Whatever, man. I'm just, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna put this in a closet somewhere and lock it up. 

Jordan: In an explosion of an old egg scented mist, the landlord's specter sucked into the dusty plastic tank.

Lauran: Isn't that what ghosts are supposed to smell like? They're supposed to smell like eggs? Like sulfuric acid? 

Jordan: Do I look like Zach Bagans? 

Lauran: We've watched enough. Ghost adventures. I don't know. I feel like that. I could be making that up, but I feel like that's a thing like Paranormal activity has like there's something to do with like the smell of eggs or rot like rotten eggs 

Jordan: Hush falls over the apartment A golden envelope floats down from the ceiling, landing softly in your hands.

Ooh. 

You peel it open, full security deposit returned. 

Lauran: Yes! I did it! And I've never even had an apartment before. 

Jordan: Against all odds, you have escaped the landlord's lair of Lord Land Lost Deposits. 

Lauran: So wait, was his name Landlord, like the Landlord, Lord Land? His name was Lord Land. 

Jordan: His name, I just kept adding to it because it was just funny.

Lauran: I thought his real name was Landlord Lord Land. No, 

Jordan: his name was just, he was just the Landlord Spectre. I just kept adding to it. See, I like 

Lauran: Landlord Lord Land. 

Jordan: Landlord Lord Land. 

Lauran: Okay, I'm pretty proud of myself because I, like, the fact that I remembered my Ghostbusters Halloween costume. Yes! Like 

Jordan: I didn't know you dressed up as a ghostbusters.

I 

Lauran: did not. 

Jordan: That's a fun. 

Lauran: I never did. And 

Jordan: you know what? Congratulations. 

Lauran: My fake 10th grade self did. Yes 

Jordan: But in real life people do have to you know, leave apartments And they have to get their security deposits back. Listen, 

Lauran: I I've had friends that Like when we were moving them out of apartments, I remember the lengths they went to, yes, to make sure that they were going to get their deposit back.

And it was as much as like, if they had a cat or like a pet or whatever, they were like vacuuming out the air vents and stuff. It was crazy. 

Jordan: So congratulations, you have succeeded and you know, people do have to do this. So for our viewers and our listeners, here's a helpful tip with. Escaping Lord Land Landlord's Security Depart 

Lauran: Landlord Lord Land.

Jordan: Sorry. Landlord Lord Land's Security Deposit 

Lauran: Specter. 

Jordan: Specter. 

Lauran: Of Lost Deposits. 

Jordan: Of Lost Deposits. Always take before and after photos of your apart apartment. And use a magic eraser for wall scuffs. 

Lauran: Listen, I do the same thing with my car. So like, I've leased cars for years. And I always have like before and after pictures of my car to like, just ensure that they're not like, did you do this?

Yeah, 

Jordan: the before and after photos are very important. Also what's very important is never underestimating the power of a friendly but firm email and being very aware, though it does change from state to state and locality to locality, your rights as a tenant. Hmm, 

Lauran: very interesting. I'm not gonna lie, like, we are very blessed and fortunate to be homeowners.

Jordan: Yes. 

Lauran: Um, but. I, uh, renting is not for the weak, man, like you gotta be smart, you have to be on top of it if you want to get your money back. I don't, I don't ever want to have to face land, or landlord, lord, land, specter, never. 

Jordan: So would you like to know your grade? 

Lauran: Yeah. 

Jordan: Well. 

Lauran: What'd I get? 

Jordan: On the problem solving end, you got a four out of five.

Lauran: What? Wait, what did I not solve? 

Jordan: You were brilliantly absurd and creative trying to figure out how to lift the cranberry stain. That was definitely not a white wine Tracking down the rogue smoke detector and turning into ally an ally. 

Lauran: Yes a 

Jordan: genius move right there. Thank 

Lauran: you 

Jordan: and you're Gremlin containment plan was practical, but a little unhinged.

Lauran: I mean, a gremlin that's slapping late fees all over my apartment is unhinged. 

Jordan: You didn't get the five though, because that gremlin is totally coming back to haunt you. There will be a sequel to this movie. 

Lauran: No! I, I put him in the freezer though. 

Jordan: Yeah, but you just taped him. He's totally going to get out of there.

You tell me. Okay. Think about it. 

Lauran: He's, I'm picturing, listen, I'm picturing like a gremlin like this big, like the size of maybe my hand. 

Jordan: Yes. 

Lauran: And I put him in a bowl. 

Jordan: Yeah. 

Lauran: And then put him in the freezer. He's going to be frozen in like an hour. 

Jordan: I'm telling you, if this was a movie, final shots, pre credit. You leaving the apartment 

Lauran: and then the gremlin busting out of the freezer 

Jordan: not that just the freezer door 

Lauran: Popping open 

Jordan: nudging just a bit 

Lauran: just for a little cliffhanger Just 

Jordan: a little cliffhanger your adulting skills mastery.

You found all the hidden fees Neutralized all the threats, and ultimately passed inspection. You did get a minor deduction because you technically still have egg scented ectoplasm in the apartment from, uh, the whole ghost busting thing. So That's 

Lauran: true. You're gonna 

Jordan: lose some points there. So as a final grade, you do get an A Woo!

You not only survived the absurd chaos, but you thrived in it. You showed and rose to the challenge. 

Lauran: I did, I did. Future 

Jordan: landlords, beware of Lauren. 

Lauran: No, see, this, that's where you're wrong, because After this, I'm buying a house. After 

Jordan: this, I'm done. 

Lauran: I'm not renting any more. That's my deposit. I need that money for my down payment.

Jordan: Oh my gosh. I need 

Lauran: it for part of my, let's be honest, 500 for a down payment. That's just laughable. Banks would laugh in my face if I showed up with that kind of down payment. 

Jordan: So, but that's You succeeded with your first egg womb, or escape womb. 

Lauran: Oh my god, that was stressful. I did not like the gremlin. 

Jordan: The gremlin popping out of nowhere was, I did not expect that, so.

Lauran: See, that's, that's on me though, because like, in the scary movie, I would be the girl that hears something weird and instead of like, getting the heck out of Dodge, she just stays in the cabin. But like, In my game, I did just that. Heard something, saw something weird in the cabinet. But did I like, yeet that thing out the door?

No! Of course not. I just went and walked to the other room. 

Jordan: That's not gonna be a problem. 

Lauran: No. 

Jordan: So, well, I fell into 

Lauran: the trope of every Every main, well not even main, the trope of every side character in a horror story. 

Jordan: Yeah, you definitely weren't the final girl. 

Lauran: I was not the final girl, I was the first girl.

You were the 

Jordan: first girl. Well, thank you so much for uh, enjoying this wild ride of getting your security deposit back. We would really like to know how you Thought the game win. What do you think could do better? So you could do that by reaching out to us at hello at wearefinepod. com 

Lauran: or you can hit us up at Instagram and TikTok at humancontentpods.

You can let us know what other adulting tasks you think should be added to this list. 

Jordan: Please give us a ton of adulting 

Lauran: roulette that we're playing. Yeah. I want to know what other, what other tasks do you need some help with? Because we could totally help you out. I mean, That was like a foolproof method to getting your security deposit back.

I think 

Jordan: you could take that. You could go, put it in a Word doc, make it a PDF, put it on Amazon, self publish that. Take 

Lauran: that right to the bank. 

Jordan: Right to the bank. You can catch the visual experience of all of this. Which is 

Lauran: mainly just me making a lot of weird faces at Jordan the whole time. 

Jordan: By checking out Mrs.

Wooley in 5th's YouTube channel. Or, I think the Spotify platform has the link. It's the video components. 

Lauran: Yeah, so you can check those out as well. 

Jordan: Who were. Not who were. Who was. 

Lauran: That's the same tense. Were and was is still past tense. No, because 

Jordan: it was, were is plural. I was going singular. Who was the host?

Who defeated the most? 

Lauran: Well, both of us, so it should be who are. 

Jordan: No, that was you. That was you. I was just. 

Lauran: But you were the guide. 

Jordan: You were the DM. I was the auditory experience. The verbal catastrophe. 

Lauran: We're your hosts, Lauren and Jordan Woolley. 

Jordan: Did you know this was executive produced by Lauren and Jordan Woolley, 

Lauran: Aaron Corny, 

Jordan: Rob Goldman, and Shanti Brook.

Our editor is Andrew Sims. 

Lauran: Our engineer is Jason Portizzo, and 

Jordan: our music is by Omer Benzvi. 

Lauran: And then we gotta read the other part, because I don't have that memorized. 

Jordan: To learn about our program, disclaimer, and ethics policy, and submission verifications, and licensing term, go to wearefinepod. com or reach out to us at hello at wearefinepod.

com with any questions or concerns. 

Lauran: How did you start out like? Old prospector and went to like partial john ham at the end of there. 

Jordan: I don't know. It was a fun wild ride 

Lauran: We are fine as a human content production. See you next time guys

Theme: Hey you I love that shirt you're wearing and you know what would go great with that shirt What a nice big virtual hug and you can get that by hitting some of these buttons down here subscribe like comment We'll give you a big old virtual hug 

Lauran: Thank you so much for listening and we will see you guys next time Wednesday.

Bye! Bye!